SASKATOON — This weekend Sutherland neighbourhood residents gathered at Ronald Keegan’s end-of-summer garage sale, only to find that Ronald is far too inclined to inform buyers which items were o…
Local
Local woman successfully avoids thinking too much about the donated urns at Value Village
WINNIPEG, MB — After an encounter with a used urn for sale at Value Village, local woman Trisha McKay has successfully avoided thinking too deeply about it. “I didn’t spare it a second thought,” …
Perfectionist truck driver circles block looking for right bike lane to park in
TORONTO – Local Fed-Ex driver Martin Bedard has spent the last 20 minutes circling in order to find the exact right bike lane to leave his truck in while he delivers a package. “A lot…
Sounds like roommate’s pretty bad at sex
EDMONTON – According to sources in Stacey Greene’s two-bedroom apartment, her roommate’s latest attempt at sex is not going well. “Taylor and their date disappeared into their room about 20 minu…
Cat watching you scoop litter box with quiet authority of tiny feudal lord
TIMMINS, ON — Upon hearing the unmistakable sound of a scoop dig into a wet clump of litter, three-year-old Muffins Fitzwilliam has climbed atop his cat tree to look down upon you with the quiet,…
“Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee!” says co-worker who is still terrible after they’ve had their coffee
WHITBY, ON – Local office worker Lindy Jensen has reportedly started every morning at her job by telling co-workers not to talk to her until she’s had her coffee, despite the caffeine doing…
Journalism students rush to sign up for ‘report whatever cops say as true’ seminar
TORONTO – Students at Toronto Metropolitan University’s journalism program were eager to attend the annual cops always tell the truth seminar. “As journalists we’ve been t…
Fairy tale wedding? This ceremony was attacked by wolves
VANCOUVER – Family and friends of Ted and Cecilia Watanabe found themselves whisked away to a realm of wonder, enchantment, and lupine violence at the couple’s wedding this past weeke…
Boyfriend blissfully unaware of how often partner weeps at his imaginary funeral
WINNIPEG – Local Jared Marshall lives a peaceful life in Manitoba; working by day, relaxing by night, all the while unaware that behind closed doors his partner weeps at the idea of his ima…
“I’m actually a mixologist,” says bartender about to charge you $27.50 for a gin and tonic
CALGARY – A bartender at a cocktail joint called the Top Hat is about to charge you an exorbitant sum for a two-ingredient drink, according to tipsy sources who are feeling ripped off. “So this …
