TORONTO – A local lesbian who doesn’t care about sports has determined that that is why she cannot find love and therefore she may as well just die. Jesse Cameron, 33, came to the dire conclusion…
LGBTQ
Pickleball popularity slips with gay seniors “The whole name is misleading”
PORT COLBORNE, ON — Large numbers of gay seniors initially drawn to popular racquet sport pickleball are abandoning the game after realizing it has nothing to do with male genitalia. “We may be g…
Paranoid parent checks child’s trick-or-treat haul for rainbow-coloured candies
BELLEVILLE, ON ― In order to prevent anybody from slipping in something that might cause no end of imaginary harm to her daughter, local mother Jenna Bailey instructed her 8-year-old today not to…
In defense of wealthy British transphobes
J.K. Rowling is, by any metric, one of the most successful people on Earth. Her net worth is estimated at a billion dollars, her books have sold half a billion copies, and Harry Potter is one of …
Transphobes announce all trans kids either too young or too old to know they’re trans
Canadians for Traditional Family Values, a conservative political group, has released a long-awaited statement giving their official position on how to address trans children. “We’ve divided it u…
“See, we do let gay men donate blood,” says Canadian Blood Services after quarantine forces thousands to be celibate for a year
OTTAWA – Health Canada and Canadian Blood Services bragged this morning that their controversial ban on accepting blood donations from men who have sex with men (MSM) “is basically no…
Vatican won’t bless gay marriage: “God wants gays to have a consensual poly arrangement”
VATICAN CITY – The Vatican has announced their official position that they cannot bless same-sex marriage due to the fact that trapping gay people within an outdated heteronormative institu…
Gay teen moves to Toronto, must once again live in closet
TORONTO – A gay teen who recently moved to Toronto has been dismayed to learn that she will once again be living in a closet – this time, literally. Piper Porter, 18, originally moved to the big …
New Harry Potter TV show will only go ahead if J.K. Rowling can personally inspect the genitals of everyone involved
LOS ANGELES – A new live-action Harry Potter television show is reportedly in very early development at HBO Max, and while no producers, directors, writers or actors have yet been attached,…
As Gay Twitter reclaims #ProudBoys hashtag, Proud Boys change name to “Leather Men”
OTTAWA – In response to a demonstration by gay twitter users to reclaim the #ProudBoys hashtag, hate group the Proud Boys have distanced themselves from the LGBTQA+ community by renaming th…
