Need yet another reason to postpone travel during this once-in-a-century global pandemic? This quarantine hotel has you covered – by mandating themed rooms for all international arrivals! T…
Health
Local man scrambles to find last-minute gift for one year COVID anniversary
CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know ho…
Man without mask immune to COVID “because he’s outside”
MISSISSAUGA – Local area man, Garth Fuller, is reportedly immune to COVID because “he’s outside” and therefore, is not required to wear a mask. “It’s something with the wind,” said Garth Fu…
Overwhelmed 30-year-old woman forced to choose between anti-aging or acne-fighting skincare regime
CHARLOTTETOWN – Jessica Harmon returned home from a trip to Shoppers Drug Mart with over $1150 worth of skin care products as she was too overwhelmed in the store to make a decision between…
Trudeau promises better vaccine rollout next pandemic
OTTAWA – In a statement earlier this week, Prime Minister Trudeau announced he is excited to offer the public an organized, efficient, and clearly communicated vaccine rollout first thing n…
Canada has proudly become a cultural mosaic of different Covid variants
OTTAWA – Over the past months, Canada has embraced the different strains of Covid-19 that have entered the country and is proud of the beautiful cultural mosaic our country has become. Alth…
Person who has been out of work unable to pay for therapy to help deal with being out of work
TORONTO – Local Torontonian Jamie Fellows, who has been unemployed for seven months, is unable to pay for therapy to help deal with the stress of being unemployed because they are unemploye…
“The outdoors is lava!” cry desperate public health officials
OTTAWA – As new cases of COVID-19 continue to skyrocket across the country, Canada’s top public health officials have banded together in desperation to declare that the outdoors is, in fac…
Trudeau pledges to vaccinate at least eight more people by end of September
OTTAWA – Amid outcries from the public and members of the health industry, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has now committed to the mass vaccination of almost 10 whole Canadians by the beginning of…
Long-term care facilities to drop “long” and “care” from name
BARRIE, ON – In the wake of soaring COVID-19 deaths of patients of long-term care facilities, industry leaders have announced they will remove the words “long” and “care” in order to clear …
