OTTAWA – In a statement earlier this week, Prime Minister Trudeau announced he is excited to offer the public an organized, efficient, and clearly communicated vaccine rollout first thing n…
Health
Canada has proudly become a cultural mosaic of different Covid variants
OTTAWA – Over the past months, Canada has embraced the different strains of Covid-19 that have entered the country and is proud of the beautiful cultural mosaic our country has become. Alth…
Person who has been out of work unable to pay for therapy to help deal with being out of work
TORONTO – Local Torontonian Jamie Fellows, who has been unemployed for seven months, is unable to pay for therapy to help deal with the stress of being unemployed because they are unemploye…
“The outdoors is lava!” cry desperate public health officials
OTTAWA – As new cases of COVID-19 continue to skyrocket across the country, Canada’s top public health officials have banded together in desperation to declare that the outdoors is, in fac…
Trudeau pledges to vaccinate at least eight more people by end of September
OTTAWA – Amid outcries from the public and members of the health industry, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has now committed to the mass vaccination of almost 10 whole Canadians by the beginning of…
Long-term care facilities to drop “long” and “care” from name
BARRIE, ON – In the wake of soaring COVID-19 deaths of patients of long-term care facilities, industry leaders have announced they will remove the words “long” and “care” in order to clear …
Local woman feels like she’s the only person taking pandemic seriously, is right, this has been a huge prank on you Jenny
Hamilton, ON – Jenny Reid, an executive assistant who’s been quarantining in her studio apartment due to Covid-19 since March 2020 feels like she’s the only person taking the pandemic serio…
Anti-maskers celebrate Daft Punk breakup
CALGARY – Anti-maskers celebrated today after the announcement that Daft Punk, pioneering electronic musicians known for monster hits like “Get Lucky” and their robot helmet aes…
Woman with death wish shares opinion on Twitter
SASKATOON, SK – Local woman Audrey Cortland has boldly dared to voice an opinion on Twitter, because apparently she has a fucking death wish. “This past year has been incredibly difficult for eve…
Bell Let’s Talk Dirty campaign deemed wildly insensitive
TORONTO, ON – Bell Media was slammed on Twitter today for their new nationwide campaign Bell Let’s Talk Dirty. According to the telecommunications giant, the campaign is an effort to …
