TIMIŞOARA – The 2022 Transylvania Olympics, which invites “hale and sanguineous” athletes from around the world to compete in Romania, has concluded with only the silver medalists appearing at th…
Halloween
“Excuse me, I have a head, it’s a pumpkin,” claims local Horseman
SLEEPY HOLLOW, NY – The figure known colloquially as the ‘Headless Horseman’ is attempting to set the record straight about the status of his cranium and the hurt caused by hund…
Mad pseudoscientist unable to replicate previous results at bringing monstrosity to life
CASTLE LAZARUS – Doctor Viktor Lazarus a “self-taught” student of the biological and galvanic sciences has purportedly been working for weeks to repeat his past success at creating ungodly …
Woman repeating self-affirmations into mirror accidentally summons demonic life coach
TORONTO – Marie Klein, 22, found herself unwittingly calling forth a devil from the deepest Hells while going about her usual self-confidence building ritual. On the advice of a self-help b…
Dad horrified by haunted house’s baseboard installation
GUELPH, ONT. – Family patriarch, Dominic Barker found himself gripped by otherworldly terror upon witnessing the inferior craftsmanship inside the ‘Hell House Experience’ at his local community f…
Man slipping razor blades into Halloween candy feeling pretty lost this year
TORONTO – Local sicko Hugh Savarian, who’s been carefully sliding razor blades into candy for trick or treaters for the past 37 years of his life, has reported feelings of aimlessness…
Studies show monsters mashing earlier every year due to climate change
VICTORIA – After an exhaustive overview of decades of data including eyewitness accounts, the majority of monster experts have reached the conclusion that climate change has led to a signif…
Angry middle-aged white guy this year’s scariest Halloween costume
LOS ANGELES – Beating out more traditional horror villains, trend-spotters have declared “angry middle-aged white guy” this year’s scariest Halloween costume. Perennial icons of terror like…
Shirtless boy going out on Halloween as Justin Trudeau
PORT COQUITLAM, B.C. – Wanting to emulate his favourite feminist superhero, a local boy has spent several seconds preparing his costume as the Right Honourable Justin Trudeau by taking off…
9 cultures you could probably still get away with appropriating this Halloween
While Halloween has always been associated with spooks, candies and adorable children, for many people the best part of Halloween has always been dressing up as stereotypical, ignorant depictions…