TORONTO – At a press conference held outside Toronto’s Friendly Harvest Food Bank, RBC announced its latest financial offering: the new Canadian Groceries Loan Program. The program aims to …
Food
Waiter obligingly pours sample of restaurant’s cheapest wine
OAKVILLE, ON — Waiter Mark Graham shocked staff and patrons at local fusion seafood hotspot Gastropod over the weekend when he obligingly poured out a sample of the restaurant’s cheapest wine. “U…
Apple farmers to spend winter relaxing, inventing 50 000 new varieties
Hemmingford, QC – Local apple farmer, Bud Timberson, just finished the last of his deliveries for the season and he’s quite excited about it. “Well my back hurts, my feet hurt, but overall …
Awesome: Your city just opened up a funky new food court where every meal costs 40 dollars
YOUR CITY – Great news! The city with skyrocketing rent prices, barely functional public transportation, and overcrowded hospitals just opened up a funky new upstairs food court with low li…
Spoon found on counter probably clean enough
NORTH BAY – Nathan Pike who lives alone discovered a spoon on his counter and decided it was clean enough to use. Pike then plunged the spoon into a container of sugar to grab a half scoop,…
Tell us your fall Starbucks order, and we’ll tell you what kind of climate survivalist you’ll be
Leamington, ON– We all have our autumn rituals, and whether yours is drying off from the summer’s floods or cooling down from the summer’s forest fires, or both, The Beaverton has you covered. On…
Upscale cookbook assumes you can afford food
VANCOUVER — Celebrity chef Walton Fisch is facing widespread criticism for his latest cookbook, Fresh Fisch, which assumes its readers can afford to buy food. Virtually every recipe in the book c…
Single-serve coffee maker produces exactly the right amount for ⅙ of a person
LONDON, ON ― 22-year-old Dorian Bishop, a fourth-year medical student at Western University, reports that the single-serve coffee maker he recently purchased is falling far short of expectations.…
Grocers eager to stabilize prices at 500% of pre-pandemic values
OTTAWA, ON― Representatives for Loblaw, Metro, and Empire have responded with enthusiasm to Justin Trudeau’s recent ultimatum requiring them to curb inflation, which is now running at 4%. “We wan…
Google Watch gives up on recommending exercise, maps route to Arby’s
ETOBICOKE – Tired of trying to motivate its owner, a frustrated Google Pixel Watch has given up on displaying its many health-related apps and is now solely showing routes to the nearest ArbyR…