NEW YORK – After years of gushing travel articles and love letters disguised as op-ed pieces, New York Times editor Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr. assured shareholders this week that America’s 164 y…
Shitfaced employee has no idea who put water in the vodka bottles
TORONTO — A sloshed LCBO employee is denying he had any responsibility on who replaced vodka with water in several 1.3 liters bottles of Smirnoff Vodka. “I had…had not one thing to do…
Obama reportedly wearing beautiful sequin green dress to final State of the Union address
WASHINGTON DC — For his final State of the Union address, US President Barack Obama is reportedly wearing a stunning sequin green dress. Obama, who is expected to comment on such complicate…
PK Subban fined for swearing only in English
MONTREAL — If things couldn’t get any worse for Habs defenceman P.K. Subban, the 2013 Norris Trophy winner learned that he will be fined $50 by the Office québécois de la langue française b…
Bridge failure gives father, son extra time to sit silently in car on week long roadtrip
NIPIGON RIVER, ON — Thirteen-year-old Jacob Darville and his father, Gordon Darville, were condemned to an additional two days of excruciating silence, Sunday, after a key section of their …
El Chapo chooses life in jail over five more minutes with Sean Penn
VICTORIA DE DURANGO, MEX. — Fugitive drug kingpin Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman ended his six-month run from the law this week, when he surrendered himself to Mexican authorities on condition t…
Public puts on red shoes, dances blues
SUFFRAGETTE CITY – Following the death of legendary musician and artist, David Bowie – who is now ashes to ashes, just as he was entering his golden years – the people of the wo…
NDP orders Mulcair to take a few online leadership courses at Athabasca University
OTTAWA — After an election defeat that reduced his party’s seats from 95 to 44, NDP Leader Thomas Mulcair has been ordered to take online courses in leadership, management and organizationa…
New York Times ranks Toronto as #7 best tourist destination, #1 most likely to never shut up about it
TORONTO — Torontonians are celebrating this weekend after the New York Times, America’s newspaper of record, named their city a top tourist spot for 2016, only then to name Toronto resident…
Wax museum features celebrities who will never visit Niagara Falls
NIAGARA FALLS — For several years, visitors of Clifton Hill have been long delighted by wax figurines of famous celebrities who will never step foot on, or be near approximation to, Niagara…