OTTAWA – Spring has finally arrived in the nation’s capital, revealing a winter’s worth of discarded legislators strewn across the Parliamentary lawn that were, until recently, concealed under la…
Pope Francis admits he meant to invite Larry David, not Bernie Sanders, to Vatican
VATICAN CITY – In a stunning admission Friday afternoon, Pope Francis confessed that he mistakenly invited Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, instead of American comedian Larry Dav…
CRA registers itself as Offshore Revenue Agency to avoid enforcing tax laws
GEORGE TOWN, CAYMAN ISLANDS — The Canada Revenue Agency re-registered its agency’s location offshore to the Cayman Islands last month in a move high-level civil servants are hoping will sav…
Brandon U requires sexual assault victims to sign nondisclosure before yelling for help
BRANDON—The Student Services department at Brandon University has instituted a new policy that protects students by requiring them to sign a non-disclosure agreement prior to calling for aid whil…
Ontario Liberals host campaign finance reform fundraiser dinner at $7,500 a plate
TORONTO — Last night’s lavish Political Contributions Reform Gala hosted by the Ontario Liberal Party featured the province’s most prominent corporate and union lobbyists. Representing corp…
Swiss Chalet acquires St. Hubert to streamline torture of nation’s chickens
MONTREAL — Swiss Chalet has announced that their $537 million acquisition of St. Hubert will make the cruel and unusual treatment endured by Canada’s poultry much more efficient. “Instead o…
Ghomeshi thanks Crown, police for their excellent work on his defence
TORONTO — Former CBC personality Jian Ghomeshi expressed his appreciation for the police and prosecution, thanking them for all their hard work in ensuring his acquittal on charges of sexua…
Rebel goes to bed without wearing her retainer
NORTH BAY, ON — In what is being called a rebellious act of defiance of society’s rules, 17-year-old Sarah Elea has gone to sleep without wearing her orthodontic retainer. The inciden…
Loudmouth spoils ending to World War II
SPOILER ALERT: World War II in Colour ANTIGONISH, NS — Local man Jacob Morley is infuriated after the ending of the Second World War was revealed to him while in the middle of watching a do…
North Korea continues to wage bitter war against the sea
SEOUL – South Korea’s Joint Chiefs of Staff have confirmed that North Korea launched a series of short range projectiles into the Sea of Japan on Monday morning, the latest salvo in North Korea’s…