OTTAWA – In the midst of Canada-wide protests from anti-LGBTQ+ hate groups, protestors warn that teaching inclusive curriculums will increase the volume of online reaction gifs featuring si…
PCs remind Manitobans no one can see you jerk off in the voting booth
WINNIPEG – Following a last-minute campaign ad urging constituents to “vote like no one is watching” and ignore the fear of moral judgement for casting their vote a certain way, Manitoba PCs are …
Struggling Canadian Military recruits Neighbour Kid with Supersoaker
OTTAWA – The federal government announced plans this week to upgrade their dated military by hiring the most powerful weapon they can think of: an eight-year-old with a water gun. “For years, our…
New CPC logo just a boner in a cowboy hat
OTTAWA – After a rousing speech by Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre at the party’s convention last week, the CPC has unveiled a new logo carefully designed to communicate a strong new m…
Allegedly cis female athlete transitions to receive men’s salary
LISBON ― Accusations have been flying in the world of men’s track and field that one of the competitors from Portugal, Tiago Silva, does not really have gender dysphoria, and only transitioned be…
Marineland announces “Chuck A Toaster In There” Day
NIAGARA, ON – Marineland Canada is proud to announce that it will host “Chuck A Toaster In There” Day, where guests are invited to murder animals at rates normally reserved for the pa…
Toronto actresses psyched to play dead bodies on new Law & Order: Toronto series
TORONTO – Actresses across Toronto rejoiced yesterday at the announcement that a spinoff of Dick Wolf’s famous “Law & Order” series would be set in their city, signalling a chance for t…
Researchers uncover evidence that Stanley Cup Playoffs still in progress
OTTAWA – Officials at Carleton University held a press conference today, announcing their discovery that the long-thought-completed NHL playoffs are, in fact, ongoing. Graduate student Jaso…
5 Mother’s Day gifts that say “we’re close, but not in a Gilmore Girls way”
With Mother’s Day fast approaching, many people look to Rory and Lorelai Gilmore as an example of the ideal mother-daughter relationship. But, if your mom never wore your clothes, called you her …
