TORONTO – Toronto man Pat Kelly was jailed on Monday after attempting to FaceTime a close friend without first sending a courteous “I’m going to FaceTime you” text. The abrasive call came in arou…
BREAKING: Roseanne hired as White House press secretary
WASHINGTON D.C. — After her rebooted sitcom was cancelled by ABC following the star’s racist tweets, actress Roseanne Barr has been hired as press secretary for the Trump White House. The t…
Nation appalled by the U.S. losing 1500 migrants not as concerned that Canada has lost 4,000 Indigenous women
OTTAWA – Since the story of the U.S. immigration enforcement agency known as ICE losing 1500 migrant children went viral over the weekend, thousands of people from the country that ignored …
Inspiring! Leafs restore normalcy to Toronto by collapsing in playoffs
The Toronto Maple Leafs have restored a sense of normalcy to their city since a deadly attack earlier this week by collapsing in the third period of game seven against the Boston Bruins. “We had …
Canadian tourist in London unsure if street hawker is selling authentic Royal Babies
LONDON – Despite the British vendor’s persuasive arguments, Canadian tourist Eric Forte remains unconvinced that the street merchant is actually selling the biological children of Kate Midd…
Doug Ford to save Ontario 6 billion dollars by taking his own family off OHIP
TORONTO – After promising to cut the province’s spending by six billion dollars, Doug Ford has finally revealed a surefire way to come up with the money: remove health-insurance coverage fr…
Tim Hortons releases donut commemorating Humboldt Broncos donut PR disaster
OAKVILLE — Tim Hortons has released a second “tragedy donut” commemorating the PR disaster that followed the release of a Humboldt Bronco’s donut. The “PR Disaster” donut features miniature…
Realistic pharmaceutical commercial
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Ultimate April Fools’ prank? Disciples find Christ dead in the tomb
ANCIENT JERUSALEM – The 11 remaining disciples of Jesus Christ were met with a merry prank this April Fools’ morning, after rushing to his tomb to find his body still there and very dead. “…
Barrick Gold entombs fifty foreign miners in Peter Munk’s pyramid so he’ll have workers to abuse in afterlife
TORONTO – Deceased Barrick Gold founder and philanthropist Peter Munk will be laid to rest this week in his family’s pyramid along with fifty still-living miners so he can always have someo…
