TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced his government will be carefully re-opening the province to COVID-19 outbreaks. With over 200 new cases reported yesterday, the premier s…
Jet Ski ends its relationship with Stockwell Day
OTTAWA – Personal watercraft manufacturer Jet Ski has ended its relationship with Stockwell Day after the spokesman denied there was systemic racism in Canada. “Our relationship with Mr. Da…
Heartwarming! Major newspaper chain continues to publish deranged rants of ignorant old man
In these uncertain times, it can be useful to focus on small acts of human kindness, to remember our shared humanity through the generosity with which we treat each other. In that spirit, let’s a…
Update: More murder hornets imprisoned this year than killer cops
NORTH AMERICA – New research shows that the number of police officers that are apprehended and brought to justice for incidents of police brutality against black people remain criminally lo…
Toronto refuses to lose to New York in COVID-19 case count
TORONTO – Some residents of Toronto disappointed with a lacklustre performance in the number of coronavirus cases came out to give their city a boost at Trinity Bellwoods Park. “We want Tor…
Restrictions remain in place for Ontarians who can’t afford cottages
ORILLIA – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that COVID-19 restrictions will still remain in place during the Victoria Day Weekend for those unable to afford cottages. “For those of yo…
“Yes, but so many seniors are still alive,” says Premier Legault
QUEBEC CITY – Quebec Premier François Legault defended his government’s decision to re-open schools, businesses, and private care homes despite the COVID-19 pandemic by pointing out that th…
Local man tries to think of chill excuse to buy erotic books at yard sale
WINNIPEG – This week, local bargain-hunter Darryl Smith failed to come up with a convincing excuse to buy several volumes of erotic literature at a garage sale. Expecting to find an old cop…
Saskatchewan, New Brunswick loosen restrictions after being declared non-essential provinces
REGINA/FREDERICTON – The Premiers of Saskatchewan and New Brunswick have announced they will be the first provinces to loosen lockdown restrictions after declaring their provinces as non-es…
