TAMPA BAY, FL – Mistaking The Weeknd’s performance for a Kansas City Chiefs player, Super Bowl referees have penalized the half-time performer. The Canadian singer was mistaken likely…
Terrorist financing of Proud Boys cut off as Mom withholds allowance
CALGARY – A 62-year-old mother has cut off terrorist funding by withholding her 35-year-old son’s allowance. Gillian Brown explained that the $20 weekly stipend she gave to her son Jamie wa…
City expropriates farmland for booming brownfield industry
WELLAND – A city in Niagara has expropriated land from a fifth generation farm to further develop its abandoned and contaminated land industry. Urban planners and local politicians in Wella…
Snowbirds outraged they were only given one year notice on non-essential travel
PALM BEACH, FL – Dozens of Canadian snowbirds are outraged that the federal government only gave them a year to change their annual migratory plans due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. Many…
Long term care facilities build runways, take international flights to get Doug Ford’s attention
TORONTO – Ontario’s LTC facilities have been forced to construct their own fake international airports in an attempt to gain Premier Doug Ford’s immediate action on COVID-19 outbreaks. Whit…
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
WHITEHORSE – The territorial government of Yukon has announced people in Whitehorse, and the Beaver Creek area may have been exposed to 2 cases of asshole. The confirmed cases, who used the…
Gary Bettman announces Kraft Hockeyville winner will go to a town in US Southwest instead
NEW YORK – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has announced that the next winner of the Kraft Hockeyville competition will go to a town in Arizona, Nevada, or New Mexico instead of a small Canad…
Kenney appears in neck brace accusing Biden of pipeline-related injuries
EDMONTON – Appearing outside a courthouse with his injury lawyer, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is suing US President Joe Biden for physical and emotional injuries caused in the revocation o…
Squatter removed from Washington home
WASHINGTON – A man who had been squatting in a historic mansion in Washington, DC has finally been evicted. The 74-year-old who successfully defrauded his way into leasing the 132 room esta…
