TORONTO – Bell Canada Enterprises CEO Mirko Bibic’s mental health improved substantially after seeing the millions of dollars generated from #BellLetsTalk, a free advertising campaign…
Antarctic glacier heard you like your seawater on the rocks
ANTARCTICA – After listening to humanity’s actions and proclamations for the past 60 years, a local Antarctic glacier took the hint and started preparing Earth’s seawater to be served on th…
Choking man with fantastic abs impossible to Heimlich, dies
VANCOUVER – Sexy, muscular tragedy struck today as local man Harrison White choked on a piece of locally-sourced, environmentally conscious hamburger. His rippling abs prevented the Heimlic…
It’s too soon for stores to be hanging Christmas dildos
By: Aaron Buck The snow has arrived and with it, the approaching holiday season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply use the cold weather to get close with family and friends, wh…
$200 winter boots makes man weigh pros and cons of having feet
THUNDER BAY, ON- While out shopping for boots to last through the upcoming Canadian winter, local man Alan Watt began weighing the pros and cons of owning feet, after seeing a $200 price tag. “I …
Ford lives out childhood dream of firing teachers over his summer vacation
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and the Progressive Conservatives played out their school-yard fantasy today, by firing taking 10,000 teaching jobs away from the education system by 202…
Impacted molar can’t wait to prove smug “Canadian healthcare” retort wrong
LINDSAY, ON – Mere moments after local tooth owner James McKenzie confidently bragged to an American friend over the phone about the quality of Canadian healthcare, his impacted upper right…
Cute dog on street delays mental breakdown by 50 minutes
KAMLOOPS, BC – A man’s mental breakdown was put on hold for nearly an hour today, after coming into contact with Wellesley, a Pembroke Welsh corgi, while waiting for the bus. “Awwwww!” excl…
Morrissey reveals The Smiths song “This Charming Man” about David Duke
LOS ANGELES – In a new interview, Morrissey has revealed that The Smiths famous hit “This Charming Man” was actually written about former Grand Wizard of the KKK, David Duke. Fans were almo…
Person sobbing in bathroom stall next to you really killing the vibe
WORK’S BATHROOM STALL – Your usually tranquil visit to the washroom took a turn for the worst after someone burst into the stall next to you and began sobbing uncontrollably. The routine ba…
