WASHINGTON, D.C. – Jared Kushner, President Donald Trump’s son-in-law and Senior Advisor, is adamant that Trump has an excellent chance of winning the 2020 presidential election assuming Tr…
Canadian vampires can’t agree if blood should come in bags, jugs, or cartons
CALGARY – Canada’s vampire community is once again embroiled in the age-old question of whether it’s more Canadian to drink blood from a bag, a jug, or a carton. “I think it all comes down …
Senator Lynn Beyak: I didn’t know donating to Trump was illegal, I thought it was just racist
OTTAWA – Senator Lynn Beyak is in trouble once again, but she wants to assure the Canadian public who pay her $157,600 yearly salary that breaking American election law was never her intent…
NASA announces the Moon will soon activate all the werewolves “just because it can”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American National Aeronautics and Space Administration held a press conference today to announce their discovery that the Moon will soon be forcing every lycanthrope …
Robot’s parents very proud of her for finally passing CAPTCHA test
CALGARY – After years of trying to pass one of the ubiquitous CAPTCHA tests that are designed to be inscrutable to artificial intelligences, local humanoid robot LV82245, known to her frien…
Studies show monsters mashing earlier every year due to climate change
VICTORIA – After an exhaustive overview of decades of data including eyewitness accounts, the majority of monster experts have reached the conclusion that climate change has led to a signif…
Alberta announces plan to grow VHS industry
EDMONTON – Alberta’s UCP government has announced a sweeping plan to increase the size of Alberta’s VHS industry in an attempt to give the ailing province a much needed economic boost. “For…
Jason Kenney calls Alberta’s bountiful harvest a ‘godsend,’ oddly cagey about which god
EDMONTON – Jason Kenney has been celebrating the bumper harvest Alberta is expecting to bring in this year, but has been reticent to name which deity he holds responsible for this agricultu…
Jason Kenney furious that throne speech didn’t contain a single poem praising the oil industry
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has released a scathing response to this year’s throne speech in which he excoriated the federal government for not presenting a single sonnet, ode o…
“The extra C stands for Canada,” says newly christened Cconservative Party
OTTAWA – Canada’s official opposition party has unveiled a new logo and a new name to go with it, and are proudly inviting Canadians to say hello to the new Cconservatives. “We’re putting C…
