HAMILTON – Authorities have confirmed that, while they haven’t checked in a while, it is “quite likely” that at least 4 people in Hamilton have been stabbed today. “I don’t want…
Feds approve controversial maple syrup pipeline
OTTAWA – Despite drawing criticism for considerable construction costs and possible environmental damage, the Government has given the go ahead to a pipeline linking maple syrup producing r…
Redskins owner files urgent trademark application for Washington ‘Holocaust Deniers’
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After the federal patent office revoked the Washington Redskins team trademark due to the word being a racial slur, owner Daniel Snyder has filed a new trademark applicat…
Teenage planet’s life ruined by parent star
HORSEHEAD NEBULA, UNIVERSE – It was discovered today that in the alien solar system Kepler-47, a teenage planet is having it’s life ruined by its parent stars. The planet known as 47-B or &…
School kids, MPs really excited for summer vacation
OTTAWA – As summer vacation approaches fast, the two groups of people who get the entire time off, young children and members of parliament, are both very excited for it to begin. “I can’t …
Tory anti-prostitution bill makes payment mandatory for all sexual activities
OTTAWA – Justice Minister Peter MacKay unveiled new legislation this month that would reduce the risk of exploitation and danger in prostitution by making the exchange of money a necessary precur…
English Canadian unable to explain Quebec to foreign friend
OTTAWA – Shortly after welcoming his friend Jack from Australia into his home, local man Stephen Christie found himself unable to properly satisfy his visitors’ many questions about Quebec …
Local woman concerned Thai coup could endanger lives, upcoming vacations
GUELPH, ON – In the wake of a military coup d’etat in Thailand that has thrown the country into chaos as protesters and soldiers do battle in the streets, local woman Steffanie Bruner has a…
Rubber duck race in Fort McMurray ends in sadness
Athabasca River, Fort McMurray, Alberta – The fun community event which includes participants placing bets on numbered rubber ducks and putting them in a river with the hopes of their duck …
Ontario Liberals announce election platform of things they could have easily done before now
THUNDER BAY, ON – At a campaign stop on Sunday the provincial Liberal party announced what they would do if elected to govern Ontario for the next few years, pretty much all of which they c…
