TORONTO – The NBA has announced that former Police lead singer and prominent lute enthusiast Sting will headline the halftime show at the upcoming All Star Game in Toronto after one officia…
HASBRO: Rey excluded from ‘Star Wars Monopoly’ to avoid spoiling scene where she buys railroad
PAWTUCKET – Bowing to public pressure, toy giant Hasbro will introduce a game piece of the character Rey into their latest version of Star Wars Monopoly, claiming the female protagonist had origi…
God apologizes for snakes
HEAVEN – In an unprecedented public statement earlier this week, God, the Supreme Lord and Master of the Universe, Blessed be He, issued a heartfelt apology for the creation and proliferation of …
Underemployed millennial not particularly worried about housing bubble
VANCOUVER – Part-time barista Jeremy Fletcher admitted yesterday that he was not overly concerned about the possibility that housing prices across Canada could suddenly collapse, causing a …
Leafs to start goalie tarp next game
TORONTO – In the wake of Jonathan Bernier’s blowout loss to the San Jose Sharks the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced that their starting goalie for Wednesday’s game against Columbus will …
No you come out of the supply closet
By: Darryl Bowden I’m getting real sick of this. Every time I go into the supply closet at work, everyone expects that I’m going to come out within the hour. But I’m not. Why? B…
Local man’s new year’s resolutions too depressing for rest of party
REGINA – Sources inside Beverly Ackerman’s New Year’s Eve party last night say the event was brought to a screeching halt when attendee Michael Griffin proceeded to reveal the sad, inconseq…
Gun rights to play important role at this year’s Teddy Bear Picnic
Woods, Forest – The annual gathering of Teddy Bears for a picnic and all around gay time, has been met with controversy this year, due to Teddy Bear gun rights activists wanting to bring th…
Taxi protest delays commuters just long enough to download Uber app
TORONTO – A protest by taxi-cab drivers against Uber’s infringement on their business caused gridlock on the Gardiner, Lakeshore and Queen Street, giving commuters just enough time to downl…
Scientists discover cure for common cold: cancelling plans
CALGARY – A new report from the University of Calgary medical school has found that the elusive cure for the common cold is a prescription for cancelling all the plans you made before you g…
