By Justin Trudeau Recently you may have heard about a supposed incident that took place at a B.C. music festival 18 years ago in which I, woke bae Justin Trudeau, allegedly groped a female journa…
Americans make odd choice to celebrate decision that led them to this point
AMERICA – To the surprise of international observers, millions of Americans chose to celebrate the anniversary of their declaration of independence today, despite the fact that this decisio…
Living proof that Canada is no better than the U.S. sworn in as Ontario Premier
TORONTO – A walking, talking refutation to the argument that Canada is in some way a more progressive country than the United States was sworn in as Ontario Premier this morning. “We have a…
Local man reconnects with cottage owning friend every year about this time
TORONTO – Local resident Michael Soplinka, 28, has once again used the month of June to get in touch with his ‘lifelong’ friend Eric Gaston, whose family happens to own a cottage on Georgia…
Trudeau stays silent on U.S. separating families to preserve excellent relationship between Canada and Trump
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Trudeau is refusing to end the Safe Third Country Agreement, or criticize the Trump admin’s policy of separating migrant children from their parents, noting that to …
Trump admin escalates trade war with Canada by renaming Canadian Bacon ‘Cuck Ham’
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the midst of a tariff dispute with Canada, the Trump admin has moved to escalate the conflict by demanding all American grocery stores and restaurant refer to the cut o…
Ontario Proud texts Ontarians pictures of their children at school, asks who they’re voting for now
TORONTO – After sending people across the provinces texts asking who they’re voting for, Conservative organization Ontario Proud has sent a follow up text showing pictures of their children…
Lifelong New Democrat excited to vote NDP for first time
Peterborough, ON – Having been a die-hard NDP supporter since he was in undergrad, local man Jason Newman, 33, is looking forward to not strategically voting for the Liberals in order to be…
Justin Trudeau joins long list of passionate environmentalists who own, operate oil pipelines
OTTAWA – With today’s announcement that his government would be purchasing the Trans Mountain pipeline from Kinder Morgan, Prime Minister Trudeau has become just the latest committed climat…
Women assaulted by Patrick Brown not offered book deal
TORONTO – In the wake of Patrick Brown announcing his lucrative book deal to write about the scandal that brought him down, the multiple women who were assaulted by Brown have announced the…
