ORLANDO – International recording superstar and desperate Raptors fanboy Drake was once again caught trying to sneak into the Raptors’ quarantine zone in Disney World. “Come on,…
Leafs bring comfort and normalcy during tough times by collapsing in playoffs
TORONTO – Seeking to restore a bit of familiarity to hockey fans living in such uncertain times The Toronto Maple Leafs are upholding their long-standing tradition of just shitting the bed …
Doug Ford pleads with own reflection to let him lower class sizes
TORONTO – After saying that if it was up to him he’d keep class sizes at 5 kids due to the COVID pandemic, Ontario Premier Doug Ford was spotted pleading with his reflection to let him lowe…
Libertarian friend apparently doesn’t believe in regulating speaking volume either
OTTAWA – Matt Martin, a self-proclaimed ‘classic libertarian of the Adam Smith school’, does not favour intrusive regulation of the economy or daily life, and apparently believe…
To maintain home ice advantage NHL pipes in audio of fans yelling insults about opposing players’ mothers
TORONTO – In an effort to make the play in tournament and playoffs feel as realistic as possible despite the lack of fans in the stands the NHL has begun playing audio clips of fans drunken…
94% of Social Distance Hang spent talking about whether everyone is far enough apart
Belleville, ON – A group of friends enjoying a social distance hang in one of their backyards spent nearly all of their time talking about whether they were all at least 6 feet apart. ̶…
Please don’t make me risk getting COVID to teach, especially that prick Noah
By: Cathy Mitglied, grade 5 teacher The Ontario government has announced that in September schools will reopen with regular class sizes and curriculum. Although they say there will be “enha…
Kielburgers start ethics committee testimony by asking if MPs want to donate to WE Charity
OTTAWA – In their opening statements before the committee investigating alleged conflicts of interest between them and Justin Trudeau in the awarding of the student grant program, Craig and…
Americans fleeing COVID try to sneak into Canada by disguising themselves as NHL players
DETROIT/WINDSOR BORDER – As NHL teams have made the journey to the league’s two bubble cities of Edmonton and Toronto, many Americans attempting to escape the pandemic have taken to disguis…
“I finally feel like me again,” says Ford after introducing anti-tenant legislation, blaming young for COVID spike
TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians̵…
