Kincardine, ON – Mona Lee has found herself repeatedly using the same patient but exasperated tone explaining why her toddler shouldn’t eat things that will kill him as she does when …
Andrew Scheer officially passes John A. Macdonald as best grifter in Parliament history
OTTAWA – With news that he used taxpayer money to employ multiple family members former Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer has finally passed Canada’s first PM, John A. Macdonald…
Health Canada convenes emergency press conference to declare you’re doing quarantine wrong
OTTAWA – At a special press conference Health Canada officials, doctors and scientists came together to declare their finding that you specifically are doing quarantine wrong. “As the…
Ford announces new threshold for increasing COVID restrictions will be 1 case more than whatever we currently have
TORONTO – Under fire for changing COVID standards to unsafe levels, Premier Doug Ford has announced a new threshold for when his government will finally impose greater restrictions: exactly…
Scheer furious he didn’t think of staging a coup after 2019 election
OTTAWA – Back Bench Conservative MP Andrew Scheer is reportedly furious that he never thought of “doing a coup” after the 2019 election the way Donald Trump is currently trying …
Trudeau excited to discover what old-timey nickname Biden will give him
OTTAWA – After calling President-elect Biden to congratulate him on winning the election, Prime Minister Trudeau is said to be looking forward to Biden bestowing upon him a fun nickname tha…
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
Every four years Canada and the world get to nervously watch while we wait to see what fresh hell the United States will unleash upon the world. But given America’s unique (aka a product of slave…
World offers to buy U.S. special present if it doesn’t re-elect deranged fascist
NEW YORK CITY – At a special meeting of the full United Nations, the countries of the world came together and resolved to buy America a “pretty cool gift” if it chooses not to r…
Study: 90% of Canadians unable to say name Fabricland without immediately repeating it faster and louder
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has found that, thanks to radio and tv jingles, the vast majority of Canadians are unable to say the name of cloth merchant Fabricland wit…
White Nova Scotia fishermen sure they’re only one more violent assault away from nation realizing they’re the good guys
Pubnico, NS – The group of fishermen who have been waging a campaign to stop Mi’kmaq fishermen from exercising their treaty rights to engage in lobster fishing are confident that if t…
