OTTAWA – The nation of Canada has come together to raise money for struggling actor Jon Hamm so he doesn’t need to do any more of those god awful Skip The Dishes ads. “I know th…
Trudeau announces new vaccine advent calendar
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will soon receive its first batch of COVID vaccinations, which will be distributed to Canadians using Health Canada’s new …
Pharmaceutical companies say Canada would get COVID vaccine faster if they didn’t need to print labels in French too
OTTAWA – As concerns mount that Canada may be “last in line” for access to the COVID-19 vaccines being developed, American pharmaceutical companies have reassured Canadians that…
Liberal fiscal update confirms “Shit’s Fucked”
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland unveiled the Liberal fiscal update this afternoon and, as expected, things are fucked. Big time fucked. “9 months into this pandemic cases …
You’ll never believe what Rogers is going to replace the SkyDome with and yeah you’re right it’s condos
TORONTO – Big news! You are going to be stunned when you hear what Rogers is planning to do with some of the land where the world-famous SkyDome stands. This is a total shock but it turns o…
Media enters 4th day of wall-to-wall coverage over mediocre BBQ restaurant
TORONTO – Local and national media have entered day 4 talking nearly non-stop about the health code violations of a BBQ restaurant known across the city for being “fine.” “…
In preparation for Florida move Raptors replace logo with image of shirtless man shooting fireworks at an Alligator
TAMPA – As part of their preparation to temporarily become a Florida based NBA team the Toronto Raptors have replaced their ‘claw’ logo with a cartoon of a shirtless man shootin…
Man who never stopped following lockdown protocols welcomes friends back with piercing, joyless laugh
TORONTO – Local man Jacob Bach, who continued to quarantine at home even as the city opened up during the spring and summer, is virtually welcoming friends back to the lockdown lifestyle wi…
Torontonians flock to malls to get vital supplies of COVID before they close
TORONTO – With a lockdown looming Monday Torontonians have flooded malls and non-essential retail shops in order to stock up on needed COVID exposure. “I know grocery stores, pharmaci…
Attempted coup in global superpower much goofier than expected
WASHINGTON D.C. – The current attempt by Donald Trump and his Republican allies to subvert the will of the people and remain in power is, according to international observers, “way st…
