TORONTO – In what is being called an exciting artistic experiment, beloved author Margaret Atwood has released a new work to be placed in a time capsule where it, like the thousands of the …
IMF unveils elite new currency only rich people can use
WASHINGTON — International Monetary Fund Managing director Christine Lagarde yesterday unveiled a new luxury currency that will be used to provide those in the one percent a stable, convenient al…
Report: Stagecoach road trip was a terrible idea
MONTREAL — College friends Steve Bolan, Mark Cho and Doug Guinty reported yesterday after completing a road trip from Toronto to Montreal that taking on 700 kilometres of carefree highway would h…
Local woman still watching True Blood
TORONTO – Despite giving several vague answers on the topic in recent weeks, local woman Anna Trawley, 26, confirmed yesterday that she is “yeah…still probably going to watch the last season of T…
Game of Thrones to raise revenue with product integration
LONDON — In the wake of discussions about how the popular fantasy saga Game of Thrones can maintain profitability as more and more viewers choose to illegally download rather than pay to view the…
Court upholds ban on doctor-assisted regicide
OTTAWA – In what is being called a landmark case, the Supreme court of Canada has ruled doctor-assisted regicide unlawful, a decision that could have far-reaching implications for ongoing p…
Lars von Trier offended by critics describing his work as ‘a movie’
LONDON – During a press junket on Monday director Lars von Trier expressed anger and annoyance in response to critics referring to his latest work with belittling words like “movie,” “film,…
Unbelievably cool 19-year-old names pet kitten Kerouac
TORONTO – Sources close to thoughtful, highly literate, yet whimsical 19-year-old Kyle Wendcott alerted press yesterday that in a characteristically tasteful move, he has named his new pet …
Report: oh fuck, the patio furniture!
ETOBICOKE, ON – Yesterday, scientists reported that oh my God, the patio furniture has just been sitting out there all winter, and dammit, it’s probably at least half ruined. Reached for co…
Man frantically enjoying Woody Allen movies while he still can
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Refusing all social invitations and ordering in his meals, local resident Bill Grenley, 32, is reportedly savouring the last few precious moments he has to fully enjoy Wood…
