SAN FRANCISCO – After months of upheaval within the company, Travis Kalanick has stepped down as the CEO of Uber and will be replaced by a tired foreign student who has to pick up a few ext…
This year’s most popular Father’s Day gift just box full of gears and wires
CANADA – Businesses across the nation are reporting that this year’s most popular Father’s Day gift is a nondescript cardboard box filled with gears and wires of various sizes that retails …
Canada immediately engulfed by holy fire after scrapping blasphemy law
CANADA – The entirety of Canada is in flames today after the Liberal party introduced legislation to repeal unnecessary sections of the criminal code, including the section that prohibits b…
Gingham-clad man slid along reclaimed wood table, thrown through restaurant window in mimosa-fueled brunch brawl
TORONTO – Police are trying to maintain order at local restaurant “Bacon for Forgiveness” after a frequent patron was thrown through a glass window in what is still an ongoing drunken, no-h…
Stock photo of white guy wins Conservative leadership race
TORONTO – In a surprise upset yesterday, the Conservative Party of Canada elected a stock photo of a 30-something smiling white man as their party leader. “When it comes to stock photos, th…
Scandal-plagued senators debate shutting down the Senate opium den
OTTAWA – Following several years worth of lascivious scandals and low approval ratings, the Upper House of Parliament is strongly considering permanently closing their illicit opium den to …
Canadian power couple! Rachel McAdams just confirmed she’s dating Niagara Falls
St. Catharines, ON – After nearly a decade of “will they, won’t they” suspense, movie megastar Rachel McAdams has finally confirmed that she’s dating famous tourist destination Niagara Fall…
5 signs that your best friend has become the Toad King
Sometimes it’s tough to know what’s going on with your friends but, thanks to this guide, you’ll never have to wonder if your best bud is donning the ermine-lined lilypad cloak and taking up the …
Don Meredith resigns from Senate to spend more time with his lifetime Senate pension
OTTAWA – Disgraced Senator Don Meredith announced today that he would voluntarily resign from his position because he feels his time would be better spent looking after his guaranteed gover…
Return of cod to Maritimes makes local man regret spending last 25 years stockpiling cod
HALIFAX – While most view the return of cod to the North Atlantic as a good thing, local man Dale Thompson now feels like his plan to hoard thousands of kilos of raw cod was a foolish one. …