LOS ANGELES, CA – The newest saga of the Britney Spears conservatorship story presents a very difficult, complex question: Do women deserve rights? For years now, Spears’ legal conservator …
White man listing privileges starting to feel pretty accomplished
VANCOUVER, BC – Part-time twitch streamer Corey McIntosh was in the middle of outlining the unfair privileges he enjoys over others on Facebook when suddenly he began to feel pretty good ab…
Opinion: I steal mail from hot spots so I should get my second dose sooner
Vaccines are hard to come by in Ontario. However, some neighbourhoods have the privilege of getting vaccinations before others purely based on factors I refuse to take time to read about. Lucky f…
Anti-mask rally participants contract strange, airborne disease
TORONTO – Rally participants in an anti-lockdown protest in Toronto on Saturday reported they had become ill with some kind of strange, flu-like virus. “I thought at first I couldn’t breath…
Dissolved Proud Boys rebrand as “Hoity-toity Boys”
OTTAWA – After being designated as a terrorist group by the Canadian government, the Proud Boys have dissolved to rebrand themselves as the “Hoity-toity Boys.” “We are big strong men who do…
Toronto roommates stuck together for another lockdown decide to finally kill Trevor
TORONTO – Local roommates Deborah Maine, Josh Goodman, and Keith Smith have decided to get around to killing their fourth roommate Trevor Lewin after learning they are all stuck with him fo…
Ford recommends lying in order to get vaccine faster
TORONTO – During a recent press conference Premier Doug Ford recommended lying about your personal information in order to get the COVID vaccine faster. “After speaking with my experts, we …
Woman who doesn’t get “pronouns” requests you describe her as “vaccine-hesitant”
GEORGIAN BAY, ON – Stacey Amber, a woman who has told you on many occasions without provocation she “doesn’t get gender pronouns” has requested you use “vaccine-hesitant” when addressing he…
Teachers reveal learning cursive in school just way to “kill time”
WOLFVILLE, NS – The Canadian Teacher’s Association has revealed that the addition of cursive to the school curriculum was only meant as a way to “kill some time.” “Honestly, we just sort of…
Educated man says he’d rather die than risk dying from AstraZeneca vaccine
CAMBRIDGE, MA – University of Phoenix scholar and die-hard Facebook scroller Dr. Devan Leeland has stated he would rather die than risk dying from the AstraZeneca vaccine. “It’s really just…
