Boise, ‘Merica – Local skimmer of news articles John Lougthrow recently exclaimed he was ‘amped’ for Canada to become the 49th state of the currently 50 United States of America. “Hard to b…
New study finds pushing feelings way deep down inside is best option for everyone
Shoppers Drug Mart, Ontario – A new study from researchers at Harvard Medical has found that people who ignore their emotions and bury them deep within ends up being the best approach for s…
Disney announces new Lion King prequel film about bug who gets eaten by Timon
Serengeti, Disney – After many successful sequels and prequels, Disney has announced plans to finally make a film explaining the origin of the bug shown on screen for 2 seconds before Timon…
Pentagon continues to claim there is no evidence of TikToks obsessing over UFO sightings
TikTok, ON – The Pentagon has received hundreds of reports of new sightings of people obsessing on TikTok over UFO sightings, but continues to downplay the possibility that these videos exi…
Toronto couple living in tiny home enjoy tiny fight about tiny affair
Toronto, ON – A millennial Toronto couple who recently moved into a trendy new tiny home is enjoying their first tiny fight about a tiny affair. “My wife discovered a tiny photo on my phone…
Inside Out 3 to feature controversial new emotion, Diarrhea
Disney, United States – After the runaway success of Pixar’s sequel film Inside Out 2, the studio has announced a third film is in the works centering around their most controversial emotio…
Biden pledges to not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu one billion dollars
Washington, D.C. – US president Joe Biden has finally made clear his position in regards to the mounting war in Gaza, stating he will not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu a large sum …
All male podcast somehow passes Bechdel test
Toronto, ON – Film historians and critics are flabbergasted after a podcast recorded in Toronto by two men has somehow passed the Bechdel test, used to measure representation of women in fi…
Was 2003 The Best Year Ever? No, But You People Endlessly Crave Nostalgia Therapy
Nostalgia, Canada – By every single metric, 2003 was a pretty sub-par year but you just need to live in any other time than now, don’t you? So now we have to list a bunch of things from a t…
X employee takes extra shifts in Musk’s emerald mine to make ends meet
San Francisco, Zambia – Twitter née X programmer Terry Llyod has picked up a few night shifts in CEO Elon Musk’s emerald mine to pay off some of his rent. “It’s really my only option at thi…