Calgary, Alberta – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has once again invoked the notwithstanding clause, something meant for only the most dire times to pass legislation, to get around a small …
Metrolinx hires elderly woman after watching her take 30 minutes to cross the street
Toronto, ON – Metrolinx has responded to criticism of its project speed by adding Nancy Callahan to their team after her inspiring 30 minute walk across an intersection. “Just look at her g…
Heated Rivalry season two to follow hockey players who secretly don’t cheat on their wives
OTTAWA – After a universally beloved first season of ground-breaking television, Heated Rivalry season two has been green-lit with a story following two new hockey players hiding their in-i…
Sydney Sweeney getting very annoyed by endless stories about this Sydney Sweeney person
Los Angeles, CA – Actress Sydney Sweeney has reported that she is very tired of hearing stories about whoever this Sydney Sweeney person is. “I’ll be honest, I never watched Euphoria,” stat…
Jeff Bezos puts hit out on “socialist” Santa Claus
North Pole, CA – After years of competition between the two Christmas lovers, Jeff Bezos has finally decided to end Santa Claus’ hold on Christmas by putting a hit out on Saint Nick after h…
Stranger Things to eventually release Season 5, Volume 4: Chapters 9-17 – Acts One and Two
Hawkins, Indiana – Netflix has announced that they plan to release the highly anticipated potential conclusion to Stranger Things, eventually. “We know fans got a real kick out of Season 5,…
Man in his thirties having trouble finding friends because he actually sucks
Local Pub, Everywhere – Local man Fred Marston has realized how tough it is making friends in your thirties, especially when you’re kind of terrible. “It ain’t easy as you get older to meet…
RFK Jr. criticizes science behind seatbelts
Washington, D.C. – In another upending of health rules and regulations from the new administration, secretary of health RFK Jr. has revealed the true dangers of seat belt use. “Seatbelts ma…
Men of Hollywood line up to see who will be first to groom AI actress
Los Angeles, CA – Hollywood is abuzz with rumors surrounding young non-actress Tilly Norwood and which Hollywood groomer will be the first to groom the young AI slop. “We’ve had a few eligi…
President Trump pardons the Hamburglar
McDonalds, D.C. – US President Donald Trump has added to his list of pardons another well-known criminal, McDonald’s mascot The Hamburglar. “He is a really great guy, this guy,” stated Trum…
