Everyone has noticed the cryptic signs that form disturbing patterns around their home every evening. But are you able to decipher what the forces from beyond the veil want of you? Dear Lord what…
Boss wondering politely if Jewish holidays over yet
CALGARY – Recent developments out of Calgary have suggested that your boss has once again begun the polite but sincere vocal inquiries as to whether the Jewish holidays are finally done and you w…
Outrage! Trump fires White House falconer
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning move that shocked Washington insiders, President Trump unilaterally fired long-time White House falconer James McElroy. “He’s been with us since the Carter adminis…
Report: Basement apartment good enough
MONTREAL – Local graduate student, Emil Stanley, has confirmed that his recently leased basement apartment in the Outremont neighbourhood isn’t perfect but at least “good enough”, a sentiment sha…
Trudeau Liberals decry Caroline Mulroney’s attempt to ride father’s coattails
TORONTO – Members of the federal Liberals are expressing their collective outrage at the recent news that former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney’s daughter, Caroline, will be running as MPP for the…
Disney casts Amy Adams, Benedict Cumberbatch as leads in upcoming live-action Mulan film
LOS ANGELES – Speaking before an assembled group of industry press earlier this week, Disney spokesperson Ian Glenn enthusiastically unveiled the casting of Hollywood stars Amy Adams and Benedict…
Nihilistic anti-abortion advocate believes life ends at conception
EDMONTON – The head of an emerging group of nihilistic anti-abortion activists has begun lobbying the government to outlaw abortions on the philosophy that we are all dead the second we are conce…
Governor General’s soul instantly flung into void of pain upon mistakenly touching the Queen
LONDON – The outgoing Governor General of Canada, David Johnston, suffered an unfortunate disembodiment of his mortal soul earlier today following physical contact with Queen Elizabeth II at Cana…
Study: 94% of new homeowners not sure what a mortgage actually is
TORONTO – In a surprise set of findings from a Canadian Homeowner’s Association survey, almost all of the nation’s population that owns their own home is completely unaware what a mortgage is, de…
Wow! Donald Sutherland only allows Kiefer 20 minutes of Nintendo time every day!
And you thought your parents were harsh! It turns out that Hollywood legend Donald Sutherland keeps a close eye on how much Nintendo son Kiefer is allowed to play each day before bed. “Call me ol…
