VAUGHAN – Canada’s Wonderland, which is closed to the public but has been operating as a drive-thru vaccination clinic since March, has announced it is now offering souvenir photos in a lit…
Local mother and father play a rousing round of Who is the Tiredest?
MONCTON – After growing weary of their regular routine of parenting of three young children, Tony Garcia and Emma Weston managed to bring excitement and joie-de-vivre back into their lives …
Some of Mario’s friends still haven’t forgiven Donkey Kong for the barrel throwing years
DONKEY KONG ISLAND – Despite a storied decades-long career as one of the most popular and iconic characters in the Nintendo universe, Donkey Kong is still regarded with suspicion by some of…
Blue Jays use money saved by removing radio broadcast to do nothing
TORONTO – As Opening Day approaches, Toronto Blue Jays fans are outraged that Rogers will no longer be offering a distinct Blue Jays radio broadcast and will instead be replacing it with a …
Which vax tracks and which ones are hacks? Our intern tries ALL the new Covid vaccines!
Hey there! Beaverton intern Alex Barnes here! Thanks to the Beaverton, I recently got the chance to try ALL the hot new COVID-19 vaccines in one WILD afternoon (don’t try this at home, y’al…
Local husband gives wife traditional present ‘something she randomly mentioned the day before’
SWIFT CURRENT, SK – Brian Warriner, husband to Glenda Warriner for fourteen years, continued his yearly tradition of remembering his wife’s birthday, listening to her as she mentioned somet…
Sleepy man just going to lie down on this couch, and whatever happens, happens
GIMLI, MB – After suffering from intense fatigue all morning, local man Gerald Hines has elected to stop trying to control the future and lie down on his couch in the middle of the day. “Th…
Precocious orphan affects English accent in desperate bid for “s’more”
LONDON, ON – Having pursued multiple avenues to acquire additional portions of food, local orphan Gordon Durnin has adopted an English accent in an audacious attempt to get “s’more.” “S’mor…
Trudeau announces stars of Schitt’s Creek can now commit any crime without penalty
OTTAWA – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has declared that, due to their incredible international success, Daniel and Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara and Annie Murphy, are no longer bo…
Amazon responds to The Queen’s Gambit by ordering limited series about Jenga prodigy
CULVER CITY – In the wake of the worldwide success of the Netflix limited series The Queen’s Gambit, about the rise of fictional chess genius Beth Harmon, Amazon Studios has placed an order…