TORONTO – Yesterday, Mandy Timmins triumphantly announced to her family, friends, and coworkers that she had just removed the Tinder app from her phone for what she promised will be “the last tim…
“I’ll add it to the list!” promises man who has already forgotten what movie you’re talking about
VANCOUVER – John Sullivan, the man you are currently chatting with at a mutual friend’s party, has already completely forgotten the awesome movie you recommended he watch, despite the fact that h…
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” asks man who really wishes someone would just tell him already
CAPE BRETON, NS – Frank Thompson has spent his entire life searching for the answer to a question that no one in his life is willing to answer, no matter how many times he asks: whether or not a …
QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?
Ah, children. Life’s little bundles of joy. Every woman’s purpose in life. Or do you disagree? Have you, an adult woman, thought hard about whether or not to have children and come out on the sid…
Superhero’s girlfriend preemptively saves everyone the trouble and kidnaps herself
NEW YORK – After spending the majority of her adult life as the victim of ludicrously complicated villainous heists, Christa MacDonald, grad student and longtime girlfriend of NYC’s second most f…
Canadian actor enters 40th year as “emerging artist”
TORONTO – Canada’s film and theatre industries came together yesterday in celebration as Kenneth Barnes, a 60-year-old veteran actor with hundreds of plays, tv shows, and films under his be…
Terrified man still trapped in friend’s immersive theatre show
NEW YORK – 50 year old mechanic Paul Jenson is currently in a state of panic after spending the last four hours unsuccessfully trying to leave critically-acclaimed “Into Our Collective Darkness,”…
QUIZ: We should totally grab a coffee sometime! When are you free?
Oh my god, HEY! It’s me, your friend from university! Wow, I can’t believe I ran into you here on the street, of all places! What a crazy coincidence! We haven’t seen each other in, what, five ye…
SPCA halts production on live-action Cats movie until all actors are spayed
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the legendary Broadway musical Cats were thrilled to watch the first trailer for its upcoming live-action film adaptation yesterday, but further production has been …
Woman dies from third degree burns after finding perfect shower temperature
EDMONTON – In a tragic domestic incident yesterday, 30-year-old Mandy Whitehouse died from horrific burns covering almost her entire body, after finally finding a shower temperature that was warm…
