Hey students! It’s midterm season and you know what that means: essays are due! Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you’re bound to encounter at least one— and you’d better be prepared for the inevitable momen…
Local woman outraged that restaurant can’t make the meal she just invented
TORONTO – Margaret Jenson was left horrified yesterday after Café Rouge, the French restaurant in which she was having lunch, impertinently informed her that they would be unable to create the di…
Local woman deletes Tinder for the last time for the fifth time this year
TORONTO – Yesterday, Mandy Timmins triumphantly announced to her family, friends, and coworkers that she had just removed the Tinder app from her phone for what she promised will be “the last tim…
“I’ll add it to the list!” promises man who has already forgotten what movie you’re talking about
VANCOUVER – John Sullivan, the man you are currently chatting with at a mutual friend’s party, has already completely forgotten the awesome movie you recommended he watch, despite the fact that h…
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” asks man who really wishes someone would just tell him already
CAPE BRETON, NS – Frank Thompson has spent his entire life searching for the answer to a question that no one in his life is willing to answer, no matter how many times he asks: whether or not a …
QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?
Ah, children. Life’s little bundles of joy. Every woman’s purpose in life. Or do you disagree? Have you, an adult woman, thought hard about whether or not to have children and come out on the sid…
Superhero’s girlfriend preemptively saves everyone the trouble and kidnaps herself
NEW YORK – After spending the majority of her adult life as the victim of ludicrously complicated villainous heists, Christa MacDonald, grad student and longtime girlfriend of NYC’s second most f…
Canadian actor enters 40th year as “emerging artist”
TORONTO – Canada’s film and theatre industries came together yesterday in celebration as Kenneth Barnes, a 60-year-old veteran actor with hundreds of plays, tv shows, and films under his be…
Terrified man still trapped in friend’s immersive theatre show
NEW YORK – 50 year old mechanic Paul Jenson is currently in a state of panic after spending the last four hours unsuccessfully trying to leave critically-acclaimed “Into Our Collective Darkness,”…
QUIZ: We should totally grab a coffee sometime! When are you free?
Oh my god, HEY! It’s me, your friend from university! Wow, I can’t believe I ran into you here on the street, of all places! What a crazy coincidence! We haven’t seen each other in, what, five ye…
