TORONTO – Jon Hudson, a financial district lawyer, was overheard yesterday at a restaurant commenting on how the arts weren’t a worthwhile pursuit because they weren’t profitable. He quickly foll…
Terry Jones goes to that great giant foot in the sky
LONDON – The world is in mourning today after it was announced that Terry Jones, distinguished actor, director, writer, and member of the beloved comedy team Monty Python, has finally made the fi…
“I’d love to be catcalled,” says man who has never feared for his life
OTTAWA – After an intense discussion with female friends about the constant barrage of unwanted sexual attention women experience on the street, Jim Marsden announced that he would love to be cat…
BREAKING: Narwhals are real, apparently
GREENLAND – In an announcement that is still taking some time to process, scientists confirmed once and for all yesterday that narwhals are apparently actual animals that really exist, and aren’t…
Quaint English village fails to meet its mysterious murder quota for the year
ABBERSHIRE, UK – Residents of the quiet, picturesque village of Abbershire have found themselves approaching the New Year in shame and disappointment after it was announced that they had failed t…
“Spread cheer at Christmas!” tweets woman who just threw defective holiday candle at 16-year-old cashier
TORONTO – Yesterday afternoon, Sandra Johnson, a mother of three with an active social media presence, tweeted the heart-warming sentiment “Spread cheer at Christmas!” to her followers, just five…
House votes to give Senate a good laugh
WASHINGTON — In a move widely believed to be inspired by the good-natured cheer of the holiday season, the House of Representatives voted yesterday to give the Senate a good ol’ chuckle by …
Watchful cat beginning to make introverted ceiling demon nervous
VANCOUVER – A demon that resides in the corner of the Johnson family’s living room ceiling has been growing increasingly concerned about the attentions of its host family’s 14-year-old cat, Mr. S…
Terrible first date enters 7,200th second
MONTREAL — In a seemingly never-ending sequence of horrible moments, a first date between Melanie Tremblant and Danny Simpson has just entered its 7,200th second and currently shows no signs of e…
