Sudbury, ON – Minnow Lake resident Callum Wraas has cut his beard after nine months, only to remember its original purpose of shielding his dumb face from the view of others. “It’s not that…
Quebec government maintains Bill 21 isn’t racist, only how they plan to implement it is
QUEBEC CITY – The Quebec government maintained that Bill 21, which forbids public servants in position of authority from wearing religious symbols, is not intrinsically discriminatory. The …
Police at Gambino boss murder scene sick of having to shoo away Martin Scorsese
Staten Island, NY – The NYPD officers that have been stationed to patrol the crime scene where former Gambino crime boss, Francesco Cali, was recently shot and killed have grown tired of ha…
Ford government increases high school class size to reduce learning
TORONTO – Education minister Lisa Thompson recently announced that class sizes for grade four and above will increase from 22 to 28 students, resulting in a 4% reduction in costs, and 8% re…
Local man using cigarettes to quit vaping
WINNIPEG — After years of failing to quit the “disgusting habit” of vaping, Andrew Bunns has finally weaned himself off it by burning Tobacco and then inhaling the smoke, colloquially known…
Vice reporter regrets taking so many drugs before parliamentary press gallery
OTTAWA — Steve Tering, a recent hire for Vice media, is currently wishing he had not consumed a variety of uppers, downers and hallucinogens before trying to cover a routine press gallery a…
Five adorable Victorian fashion accessories to go with your child’s measles
The 19th century is back in vogue with a recent uptick in measles, mumps and irrational distrust of life saving medical procedures. But it’s not just healthcare that is going back 180 years, it’s…
Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make
MONTREAL – Following a long history of faulty products and broken contracts Quebec manufacturer Bombardier has missed a deadline for a train they were never contracted to make. “Our deepest…
Salami industry issues their own food guide mainly consisting of Salami
OTTAWA – In response to Health Canada’s new food guide that emphasises a plant based diet and unprocessed food, the salami industry has produced its own rival food and nutrition guide, the …
Totally Retro! US kicks it old school with dangerous arms race against Russia
It’s like, time to get totally radical because the United States government is returning to the 80’s with neon colours, Duran Duran and no treaties to prevent nuclear war. The whole thing started…