BURNABY, BC – An unsettling series of reports have left BC TransLink patrons concerned for their well being as bus seat warmth has been measured at record high lukewarm levels. “We are work…
BC Parks adds volunteer firefighting to list of fun family campground activities
PRINCE GEORGE, BC – Members of the BC Parks Service are preparing to heat things up as they implement volunteer firefighting as an option to their camp activity calendar. “Families these da…
Scientists hate him! No particular reason he’s just awful
BRAMPTON – After months of grueling and complicated experiments and tests, scientists have come to the conclusion that Kyle Smith-Reynolds is a completely awful human being and they hate hi…
Volunteer announces plan to build white saviour complex in Africa
TORONTO – In a well meaning attempt to uphold and reinforce neo-colonialism, volunteer Rebecca “Becky” Smith-Anderson has submitted a proposition to build a white saviour complex somewhere …
Local family disappointed as Elijah flakes on Passover dinner yet again
MONTREAL – The mood at the Ginsberg household was reportedly low last night after receiving news that the Prophet Elijah had once again bailed on their Passover Seder. “I mean, we always le…
Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi
VANCOUVER – An official statement from the rest of Canada addressed to the city of Vancouver was released yesterday, acknowledging that while the quality and taste of the municipality’s Jap…
Kevin Jonas just happy to be included
LOS ANGELES – Excitement over the return of the Jonas Brothers, one of the most successful boy bands of the early 2000s, is burnin’ up all over social media. However, no one is more excited…
QUIZ: Can you name any of the newly elected United States congresswomen and why not?
The United States government has just sworn in their new congress, a group that is made up of most diverse representatives in United States history. While you seem to be happy with what has been …
Dallas Green changes name to Peterborough Red to appeal to Canadian fans
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Residents of Peterborough are ecstatic upon hearing the announcement that Canadian Indie darling, City and Colour has decided to change his name from Dallas Green to Pete…
Monthly book club leader Karen announces that they will just read The Secret over and over again
BARRIE, ON – Members of the Snow Valley Very Dignified Book Collective were in crisis last Saturday when their leader Karen Pasternack announced that they would continue to read Rhonda Byrn…