Overview: Remember how, back before it was our guy in power, it seemed really weird and messed up that someone could have a majority government with just over a third of the popular vote? It soun…
Electoral Reform Primer: First Past The Post
Overview: First Past The Post, often abbreviated as FPP, 1PTP, FPTP, or KILLME, is the electoral system Canada currently uses. FPTP is the 2005 Honda Civic of electoral systems. Nobody really wan…
Village idiot polling strongly in village election
BRICKFORD, ON – Riding on an international wave of anti-intellectualism, local fool Muddy Tom holds a commanding lead in the ongoing village election. “Really, him?” said rival candidate Ma…
America is great again, so local man going to shit wherever he feels like it
OHIO – With thousands of Americans using the election of Donald Trump to justify the most atrocious kinds of behaviour, local man Derek Jensen says he now feels fully justified in defecatin…
Electoral College should vote Clinton, says man who would die first in ensuing civil war
CLEVELAND – The Electoral College should vote for Hillary Clinton on December 19th, says local man Eric Stoneleigh, who will be senselessly killed in the early hours of December 20th, if th…
Hideously deformed moose for sure has nothing to do with oil sands
FORT CHIPEWYAN, AB – An almost unthinkably deformed moose found outside of Fort Chipewyan has ‘nothing to do’ with the oil sands, industry experts say. “Sure, its skin is, uh, pretty liquif…
Canada sends another 100,000 military advisors to northern Iraq
OTTAWA – Insisting once again that Canadian forces in northern Iraq are only there to ‘advise and assist’, the government announced today they would be sending over another 100,000 of them.…
Royal Ontario Museum chooses lucky 10-year-old to be its next mummy
TORONTO – After months of suspense, the Royal Ontario Museum’s golden ticket has finally been found by lucky 10-year-old Aiden Samuels, soon to be the ROM’s next mummy. “Aiden’s a really lu…
Canada to sign Great Ape Research Ban as soon as we finish the Chimpan-Zed
OTTAWA – Facing pressure from animal rights groups, science Minister Kirsty Duncan announced today that Canada will sign an international ban against scientific experimentation on great ape…
Local woman acting all crazy about how much society gaslights women
TORONTO – After a workplace conversation about the ways in which society teaches women their feelings and experiences aren’t valid, co-workers have concluded local woman Emma Hall is totall…