TORONTO – In an effort to demonstrate Canada’s superior gun laws and protection of its citizens, local man Jared Wilson chided his American friend for not having smaller scale mass shooting…
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
MONTREAL – Roughly 20,000 spectators have continued to attend Montreal’s indie music festival at Parc Jean-Drapeau unaware that the event ended some two days ago. Revellers who had not come…
Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?
Since America can’t solve its high drug cost problem at home, the Trump Administration said it will rely on a country that is already in short supply without providing any of the details. Now, Ca…
East Coast man who moved to Alberta three years ago to lead provincial separatist movement
EDMONTON – A Nova Scotia native and Alberta oilsands worker will lead a newly formed secession from Canada movement in the Western province. 36-year-old Gord McGovern of Antigonish will lea…
New VQA Ontario labelling requires $1,000 donation to Ontario PCs to verify authentic corruption
PELEE ISLAND, ON – In accordance with the new rules mandated by the provincial government, Ontario’s wines will now be required to make a $1,000 donation to the Ontario PC Party to receive …
Château Laurier adds emergency eyewash stations for those disgusted with addition
OTTAWA – The Château Laurier has added ten new emergency eye wash stations for locals and tourists alike in the event their eyes come in direct contact with the newly approved addition. Wit…
Man who lost Conservative Party leadership by less than 1% proposes border fence
MISSISSAUGA – A former party member who placed a very close second in the Conservative leadership race in 2017 has proposed a border fence to block asylum seekers from crossing the border. …
Saskatchewan Roughriders mascot Gainer the Gopher poisoned in pest control sweep
REGINA – The Saskatchewan Roughriders are mourning the loss of their beloved mascot after he consumed a poison baits left outside a stadium tunnel. “We loved Gainer, but at the end of the d…
Polls predict six-way majority government
OTTAWA – Canada’s pollsters are predicting a Liberal, Conservative, NDP, Green, Bloc, and People’s Party majority government for the federal election to the relief of many partisans and anx…
Scheer awards carton of chocolate milk medal of bravery for saving son’s life
OTTAWA – At a touching ceremony at Rideau Hall, Opposition Leader Andrew Scheer issued a medal of bravery to a stalwart carton of chocolate milk symbolizing how the dairy product of questio…
