Doug Ford is giving Ontario’s police the power to stop anyone and ask why they’ve left their home in order to crunch down on rising COVID cases. But don’t let that stop you from crunching d…
Guy Fieri and 4 other guys who aren’t nearly as awful as they look
These days it appears that most men are trash. As a trashy man, I can confirm. However, once in a while, a man emerges that seems to dress and probably smell bad, but turns out to be way better t…
Piccolo, Knuckles and 4 other cartoon characters you didn’t know are Black
Many Black kids like me fondly remember the days of staying up late to watch anime and getting up early to watch Saturday morning cartoons featuring characters of literally all colours. But did y…
Kidz Bop writer suffers nervous breakdown after failing to write kid-friendly version of ‘WAP’
PETERBOROUGH – Jeanette Cummings, 41, was rushed to the hospital with symptoms of a total nervous breakdown after being contracted to write a clean, kid-oriented version of Cardi B hit ‘WAP…
Lonely man sad to have no matches on contact tracing app
WINDSOR, ON – In the throes of late-stage quarantining Robert Greene, 55, advanced his long-lasting search for love and romance by downloading the widely spreading COVID-19 contact tracing …
Man who knows every word to Eminem’s ‘Lose Yourself’ can’t remember best friend’s pronouns
TORONTO – Well-meaning Kensington Market local Bradford Smith, 26, was found to be inexplicably able to recite famed rap song ‘Lose Yourself’ word-for-word, despite not being able to rememb…
Tooth Fairy e-transfers kid in quarantine 25 cents
PICKERING – The Tooth Fairy, unable to be physically present to exchange baby teeth for loose change due to COVID protocols, has instead sent an e-transfer of 25 cents to Billy McIntosh, ag…
Trump suggests delaying election until everyone dead
WASHINGTON D.C. – Citing issues with voting by mail, U.S. President Donald Trump suggested a delay to November’s presidential election to just after disease and destruction consumes h…
Report: man who flossed two nights in a row finally has gotten life back together
CALGARY – In a big win, 32-year-old Dave Frescos has finally managed to gather the internal strength necessary to floss for two nights in a row after weeks quarantined alone in a basement a…
In push for racial unity, white woman volunteers to try jerk chicken
TORONTO – In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement and in an attempt to solve racial unrest once and for all, a local white woman volunteered to try jerk chicken for the very firs…