LOS ANGELES – In a wanton disregard for verisimilitude, casting directors announced the leading cast for an upcoming medical drama on Friday, which, according to sources, will feature actor…
Disney executives pleased to announce acquisition of PornHub
MONTREAL – Expanding their media streaming portfolio, Disney executives announced Tuesday that the company has acquired Canadian adult entertainment site, Pornhub. The entertainment behemot…
REPORT: 70% of factory work stoppages due to unexpected conveyor belt chases
LAVAL, QC – Looking to find the cause of recent productivity losses, a report published Monday by the National Industrialist Survey says that 70% of all factory work stoppages are due at le…
Smell of burnt toast convinces entire Diner they’re about to have a seizure
OTTAWA – Recalling only a few seconds of that Canadian Heritage Moment, every patron of a local diner was immediately certain they were about to have a seizure after the kitchen burnt two p…
Polite missionary patiently waiting for smarmy undergraduate philosophy student to stop fucking talking
TORONTO – Braxton Warmington, 18, a Mormon missionary, was busy nodding his head in polite agreement earlier today while local University student, Corey Langhart, 20, castigated him for sev…
Doug Ford to walk in Pride Parade only if Toronto Police allowed to beat path of gays in his way
TORONTO – Performing a symbolic act of support for the LGBT+ community, Ontario Premier designate, Doug Ford, says he will walk in Toronto’s Pride Parade on June 23rd but only if the Toront…
Men: Here are 5 ways to get your slim, ripped winter body into peak “Dad Bod” for summer
Hey single men out there, we all know how hard it is to maintain that soft, perfect dad bod shape, the one that makes the ladies say, “Oh yeah, he’s definitely good father material.” We’ve all do…
QUIZ: What is Neil Young whining about now?
You can hear the unmistakable wheeze of one of rock and roll’s most important singer-songwriters, but you can’t quite make out what his high pitched complaint is about this time. Take this quiz t…
Andrew Scheer to serve as stark reminder for young people that smoking pot does not make you cool
OTTAWA – Admitting on Monday that he used to smoke pot when he was in university, federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer is now holding himself up as a disturbing example to young …
Opera house phantom resigns amid allegation of sexual misconduct
PARIS – Amid serious allegations including stalking and sexual harassment, the once beloved disfigured singer, known simply as The Phantom, has stepped down from his role as the mysterious …
