VANCOUVER, BC – The body of local man, Eric Heston, known by many as one of the most optimistic people they’ve ever met, was pulled last night from the bottom a glass sources say he would d…
Canine court rules leg ‘asking for it’
OTTAWA – The nation’s top dog court decided today that Marlowe, a 4-year-old Pug mix, was not guilty of sexual assault because the complainant’s leg was asking to be humped. Judge Duke, a 9…
INFOGRAPHIC: Blackberry vs Canadarm
Is it entirely possible that the Blackberry and the Canadarm are the same thing?…
INFOGRAPHIC: How good their dog is VS. How much money they have
Here’s an infographic that explains the relationship between how much money a person has versus how good their dog is.…
Queen Victoria celebrates birthday by getting wasted at cottage
POINTE-AU-BARIL, ON – In honour of her 197th birthday, Queen Victoria of England is celebrating the long weekend the way many of her Canadian colonists are, by getting completely shit-faced…
Orphan Black fans successfully clone Tatiana Maslany
TORONTO – Scientists at the Orphan Black Fan Institute say they have successfully cloned a human being, actress Tatiana Maslany, star of the cult sci-fi series, Orphan Black. “If the show h…
3 Easter Eggs you didn’t notice in Paul Martin’s official portrait
Click on the image to see three things that were hidden inside the official portrait of Canada’s 21st Prime Minister.…
Local Mother’s Day ruined by Freudian Slip
SASKATOON, SK – Witnesses report that local businessman, Jared Rice, has made Mother’s Day intolerably awkward for everyone around him after he accidentally introduced his mother, Ruth, as …
Local child wants to push button
This afternoon, witnesses report a woman walking with a 5-year-old girl who loudly proclaimed her desire to push the button at the crosswalk. “She was really pushy,” said James P. Garland, a loca…