TORONTO – Citing their devotion to meaningful artistic endeavours, throngs of thoughtful art enthusiasts, who, sources say, are completely in control of their faculties, will be getting the…
QUIZ: Which elderly relative are you giving tech support to?
As the population ages and technology advances, it is becoming more and more likely that you’re currently walking an aged loved one through the basics of how to connect to WiFi or get Netflix on …
Man losing valiant struggle against burrito
CALGARY – Fighting the urge to just give up and walk away in shame, a local man is currently in the midst of a heroic – but losing – battle to finish the rest of his burrito. At…
REPORT: Saskatchewan left Canada years ago
OTTAWA- A report conducted by the Ministry of Environment says that the entire province of Saskatchewan detached itself from the rest of the country and left “probably several years ago,” and now…
5 ways to convince your friend that you saw their one-man show
Oh no! The independent theatre season is upon us, and that means you’ve already been pressured to see one or more of your friend’s one-man shows. Here are five awesome tips on how to convince you…
Peter Mansbridge lands lead anchor on Naked News
TORONTO – After retiring from the CBC’s flagship broadcast news program, The National, journalist and Canadian icon Peter Mansbridge has taken a new job as lead nude anchor on the Toronto-b…
As a giant rubber duck, I demand to know why I am here
Canada’s sesquicentennial is a joyous event, I gather. And so far, I have seen some of your waterfront and had my picture taken with many of your citizens, many of whom seem to be happy at the si…
3 Adorable Dogs You Can Adopt Today Because They Irresponsibly Trapped Their Owners in a Hot Car
We all love dogs! But sometimes they will make the woeful mistake of locking the human beings that care for them inside of cars on hot, sunny days. It doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, …
Couple hoping board game night won’t turn into orgy again
ST. CATHARINES, ON – Opening a bottle of wine and selection of cheeses for a semi-regular gathering between friends, a local couple is dreading the possibility that this evening’s board gam…
QUIZ: Are you homophobic, Islamophobic or arachnophobic?
With so many irrational fears out there these days, it’s hard to keep track of what you have an extreme, deep-seated aversion toward. So much that it can be damn near impossible to figure out if …