MONTREAL, QC- After waking up in the afternoon for the eighth day in a row and taking out a hand rolled cigarette from the back pocket of his $380 jeans while looking out over his downtown loft b…
We ranked the summer’s top five movies with Minions in them
It’s no secret, The Minions are getting a lot of work in Hollywood these days. But with so many movies featuring these little yellow dudes, it can be hard to choose which movie featuring The Mini…
Kid not allowed to eat candy reports apples ‘fun snack’
TORONTO- Biting into cut up pieces of honeycrisp prepared by his health conscious parents, local six year old, Thurman Jackson, made news this week after officially declaring apples a “fun snack.…
Low-grade depression is summer’s hottest accessory
NEW YORK- Style forecasters and trendsetters alike are thrilled to announce low grade depression is the trend of the summer. Hot off cubicles of that 9-to-5 desk job that you took just for the wi…
DEVELOPING: Woman who said “Long story short” still fucking talking
ETOBICOKE- At 8:39pm, local woman Sofia Cara entered into a conversation with neighbour Jennifer Moore that has yet to end. “I knew at minute twenty one, when she said ‘long story shortR…
Facebook introduces painful memory notifications
SAN FRANCISCO- Facebook has announced that they are releasing a new feature that will give users “Painful Memory Notifications”, which the minds at Facebook say they have relentlessly gone throug…
Inspiring! Meet the first Frat Boy to ever chant “U.S.A! U.S.A!”
Have you ever wondered why after chugging a particularly warm beer, one feels compelled to chant “U.S.A, U.S.A”, even if you’re not in the United States? Well wonder no more, because we found the…
Report: Backpacks are just like purses that can hold stuff
HALIFAX- According to a new report, backpacks are essentially purses except for one major distinction: They can actually hold things. “It may seem obvious, but many women do not realize that back…
Man discovers he can’t bend over without making “Wumompph” sound
HAMILTON, ON – 31 year old Kevin Wilson has made an astonishing discovery. Early Saturday morning, while attempting to tie his shoes Wilson realized he was unable to bend over without makin…
Hottest Spring Trend: Getting sick right before you have an event you can’t get out of
NEW YORK – This just in, spring’s hottest trend has nothing to do with bomber jackets or skinny jeans and everything to do with your immune system. Famous trend forecaster Jil Whitman has o…
