OTTAWA – After nearly 150 years of colonialism and cultural genocide, Canada is mending fences by granting every First Nations person in the country 30 seconds of intimate eye-contact with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
“Wow,” said Tom Taylor, of Cayuga, Ontario. “That was such a profound experience. I feel like we’ve shared so much, and we never even spoke.”
Although the Trudeau government has made relatively few changes to outdated existing Aboriginal policy, sources on reserves say the eye-contact has completely changed how they feel about it.
“Sure, we’ve been under a boil water advisory for 13 years,” said Rosie Alsoomse, of the Cumberland House First Nation. “But after watching a single pure, drinkable tear roll out of Justin’s eyes, it’s hard not to think everything’s going to be OK.”
While Canada is still a country with laws governing a particular race, the PMO is quick to point out that the government enacting those laws has kind, chocolatey eyes.
This gambit has had the opposite effect as when Prime Minister Harper attempted it in 2010.
