CALGARY – Calgary has unveiled the design of its new hockey arena and event centre, Scotia Place, which will share the same sleek and contemporary look as famous arenas across Canada like Rogers Place, BMO Place, HSBC Place, and the other Scotia Place.
“Like many hockey players, I’ve always dreamed of winning a Stanley Cup in a building named after my dad’s bank,” said Calgary Flames defenceman MacKenzie Weegar. “And now that dream can become a prudent marketing reality.”
Fans are also excited to see their tax dollars go towards a stadium named after an impersonal corporate behemoth.
“The concept images look nice, but what really matters is getting the chance to see iconic hockey moments unfold across the years like we have at the Montreal Forum, Maple Leaf Gardens, the TD Hockey Haus, the Timbits Ice Hockey Experience Centre Presented by Tim Hortons, and the Shoppers Drug Mart BMO Centre Made Possible by Suncor,” said one Flames fan. “And what fan doesn’t remember that one fateful night at the HSBC Arena Centre Forum Palace Place?”
Scotia Place, which seats more people and offers more modern amenities than the Scotiabank Saddledome, will replace the Saddledome’s iconic design with a big box that charges $27.50 for lukewarm domestic beers.
“Scotia Place is going to be a major hub for Calgary’s social life,” said mayor Jyoti Gondek. “Every tourist is going to want to visit Scotia Place, and only some of them will get confused and end up at the Scotia Centre shopping mall instead.”
While Scotia Place will draw larger concert acts and allow the Calgary Stampede to place even more hay bales together, a better NHL experience is the stadium’s primary draw.
“I scored my first NHL goal in Toronto’s storied Air Canada Centre, and now Scotiabank Arena will give a new generation of players that experience,” said Flames forward Nazem Kadri. “Wait, no, we’re Scotia Centre, Scotiabank Arena is in… Vancouver? No, that’s Rogers Arena. Or Rogers Place. I always get them confused. Anyway, I’ll cherish that memory forever.”
At press time, the City of Calgary had been renamed the Scotia Forum-Place.
