OTTAWA – Conservative Senator Nancy Ruth along with dozens of other upper chamber members have announced the Senate’s intention to launch a comprehensive inquiry into the victims of cold cheeses.
“We will leave no stone unturned,” said Senator Ruth, a victim of ice cold camembert and broken crackers, which has traumatized her since an ill-fated Air Canada flight from Toronto to Ottawa. “There are many other victims out there of freezing-cold cheeses who are afraid to come out of the shadows in first class. Broken crackers lead to broken families. This must end now.”
The initial $2 million is expected to increase since the inquiry will occur in exotic cheese-making locations including Aruba, Abu Dhabi and on Senator Pamela Wallin’s mega yacht located somewhere in the Mediterranean.
“I too, was a victim,” said Senator Dan Lang who had accidentally consumed English Farmhouse Cheddar well below room temperature at shareholders party. “And yet we’re re-victimized when we’re criticized for billing the government in extra expenses.”
At press time, the Senators were getting pretty hungry.
