HELL – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has signed a landmark trade agreement between Canada and Hell’s layer reserved for greedy, hoarding souls.
The agreement was signed by Harper and Hell’s enigmatic leader, Lucifer, yesterday while on a scheduled trade mission to the region.
“This accord will bring our two dominions closer together,” a sweaty Harper announced among the screams and cries of tormented souls. “The Canada-Hell gateway will add thousands of new jobs to our economies. As strong trading partners, we recognize that bilateral cooperation in areas such as supernatural resources, tongue extraction innovation and small business is mutually beneficial.”
The Harper government lifted Canada’s moral tariffs against blasphemers and fornicators and granted 100,000 Temporary Foreign Worker permits in exchange for better access to Hell’s lucrative sulfur and brimstone industries.
Speaking in tongues, Satan said he looks forward to the ever deepening relations between Canada and the Kingdom of Eternal Darkness before cackling uncontrollably.
Hell has also approved a 3,000 km pipeline which will carry Alberta bitumen to Hell to keep its fiery furnaces burning to meet the increasing demand of eternal torture. Harper also announced that Canada would soon make deals with other layers of Hell so Canadians will have cheaper access to medieval torture devices.
According to sources, the Prime Minister and the Prince of Darkness both agreed that they would meet again, and soon.
