Los Angeles, CA – Tech billionaire Elon Musk announced today, after years of research and million of dollars, that he has finally found a way to put his penis inside the physical constant of gravity.
“For all of history it has been humankind’s dream to fuck a physical force,” said Musk. “And now I will achieve that dream. Generations from now people will stare up at 300 ft monuments of me performing oral sex on the natural phenomena that draws different masses together.”
This breakthrough follows Musk’s attempts to make love to other physical forces the strong force, the weak force, and the electromagnetic force. After announcing the discovery, Musk raised a billion dollars in the initial public offering of his new company gravityfuckX.
“It’s always been about this. Ever since I was a little boy and I kissed a poster of F = Gm1m2/r2, where F is the force due to gravity, between two masses (m1 and m2), which are a distance r apart; G is the gravitational constant,” said Musk in a press release.
The process takes 15 hours and costs 2 million dollars, which Musk has stated is “worth every single penny”.
“Deepening our collective understanding of gravity has been extremely rewarding,” said lead researcher Shandir Waltin. “I just which Elon would stop boasting about how much better he is at having sex with gravity than Mark Cuban.”
Gravity has stated that it could fuck the whole time, but is taking some time to be single after ending a long term relationship with entropy.
