OTTAWA – Attempting to spice things up in Ottawa, Prime Minister Stephen Harper unveiled a wide-ranging overhaul of his executive government on Monday, a move the P.M. is quite hopeful will improve the quality and passion of Cabinetry love-making.
“It’s true what they say, once you’ve been with a person, or in this case dozens of people, for a few years you start to get bored and the sex loses its lustre,” said Harper in reference to the thrice monthly orgies that take place in the Conservative Party caucus room.
“I mean, there are only so many times you can have regular, missionary sex with Rona Ambrose or Peter Mackay, or Rona Ambrose and Peter Mackay at the same time, before you start to wonder what else is out there.”
Sources have speculated that lacklustre sexual performance was behind the removal of former ministers Peter Kent and Gordon O’Connor. Jim Flaherty got to keep the most powerful position in cabinet, minister of finance, mostly due to the dexterity and power of his tongue.
“That man… he makes you feel things you didn’t know were possible.” Said Minister Tony Clement, taking a long, slow drag off a cigarette.
On the other hand, there was a great deal of excitement about newcomers Michelle Rempel and Chris Alexander, who were appointed to cabinet yesterday, but will only officially join once they have passed a secret initiation ritual known as the “Ordeal of Jason Kenney.”
