CALGARY – According to sources embedded in downtown barbershop Close Shave, Dennis Elrich is worried his cut hasn’t gone as planned after he spotted a big, sloppy chunk of his right ear hit the floor.
“I never know how to describe what I want, so I brought Omar a reference photo to avoid this exact situation,” Elrich told reporters. “Look, the model has a nice, simple fade and two ears. That’s what I was going for, and I don’t think I’m going to get it.”
Elrich then spent several minutes watching TV in the hopes the problem would resolve itself, only to be even more disappointed when he looked in the mirror again.
“Great, now my hair is shorter than I wanted. When it gets too short it highlights my large forehead and gory ear wound,” Elrich said, as Omar carefully trimmed his left ear to match the mangled right one.
“I should say something, but we haven’t spoken since the initial pleasantries, and that was 10 minutes ago. It would be weird to just suddenly bring it up at this point, right?”
Omar then asked Elrich if he was doing good so far, to which Elrich meekly responded “yup” while blood ran from the side of his head.
While Elrich has considered trying a new barber ever since Omar lopped off the tip of his nose on a previous visit, he’s been coming to Close Shave for years and is nervous about the prospect of switching.
“A new barber could be even worse,” a still-bleeding Elrich told reporters as Omar swept his ear up and dumped it in the garbage. “And it would be rude to ditch Omar just because he slipped up a couple times. I’ll skip all that awkwardness, thanks.”
At press time, Elrich had let Omar upsell him on a clean shave and was nervously watching his barber sharpen his straight razor.
