TORONTO – The nation of Canada has decided that, on second thought, some temporary foreign workers can stay.
“The Temporary Foreign Worker Program is a scam designed to take the jobs of hard working Canadians,” said Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre. “On the other hand…did you see that Springer Dinger?! Holy shit. That dude rocks.”
“If the program extended only to Vladimir Guerrero singing ‘daaaa yankees lose’ and not to Tim Horton’s claiming they can’t find any Canadians willing to work, I think we’d all be fine with it.”
The Blue Jays are brought in to Canada to work about 6 months of the year, often from small Latin American countries, due to the team’s inability (or unwillingness) to find suitable candidates from within Canada’s class of professional baseball players.
“I want to say those damn Blue Jays are taking our jobs,” said Duane Edmonds, a right-wing podcaster and former baseball player. “But if I’m being honest I could never have batted 400 in the playoffs like Clement or turned three straight double plays like Gimenez.”
“Maybe not all immigration is bad. We just need to restrict it to multi-millionaire athletes…and their smokeshow WAGs.”
At press time Canada was scrambling to pass a law that denied VISAs to anyone suspected of illegal gambling before Ohtani arrives for Game 1.
