WASHINGTON D.C. – US President Donald Trump has spent the day publicly feuding with former billionaire ally Elon Musk, as the two each insisted that they were shown less affection and attention from his cold, distant father.
Following weeks of disagreements over negative publicity incurred by Musk’s DOGE department, as well as Tesla stock price tumbling, the long-rumoured rift spilled into public view after the two reportedly disagreed over whose father was a more withholding and emotionally abusive tyrant.
“How dare Trump claim that he was warped into bigger narcissistic sociopath, desperately craving his father’s approval,” posted Musk on his social media platform X. “The bottomless hole of empathy inside my heart that will never be filled by my daddy’s love makes Donald’s look tiny lol #legalizecomedy”
Hours later, President Trump fired back at the SpaceX CEO from his own Truth Social platform. “Crazy Elon is nuts if he thinks his father bullied him into being a thinner-skinned insecure shell of a human. My daddy issues are HUGE, many people are saying it!!”
The battle of words between the president and his wealthiest donor, over which is the more emotionally-stunted manchild, escalated through the afternoon as both ignored presidential duties and corporate responsibilities, respectively.
“My dad was a rapacious emerald baron who moved to South Africa FOR the apartheid!” tweeted Musk. “I was left with only a trust fund, a breeding fetish, and a ketamine addiction so bad that I’m peeing my pants while writing this. Case closed! PS. Trump is in the Epstein Files.”
Trump quickly ended a meeting with Chinese President Xi Jin Ping to respond, “No way, Elon! Fred Trump Sr. literally bullied my pilot brother into drinking himself to death. He was the GOAT, in that he would rather spend time with a farm animal than any of his own children.”
Minutes later, Trump signed an executive order making it legal to fire bomb Tesla Cybertrucks.
Later, conservative media was relieved after Trump and Musk issued a joint press release, assuring the world that the both still controlled a terrifying amount of America’s infrastructure and military stockpile.
At press time, Trump and Musk had resumed bitterly arguing over who wouldn’t get custody of JD Vance.
