MONTREAL – McGill University has proposed a temporary living arrangement to Harvard University, allowing the US school to crash on McGill’s couch until such time as things are less crazy at home.
Insiders say that the Ivy League University has been “beyond stressed out” lately, and is seriously considering hopping the next Amtrak north to get a break from “all the drama.”
Harvard University, located in Cambridge, Massachusetts, has been the target of a number of retaliatory actions by the Trump administration over the school’s refusal to accept sweeping changes to its DEI and foreign student policies. With the White House threatening the school’s funding, curriculum, and basic autonomy, McGill has called the situation “not cool”, “just the worst”, and three angry face emojis.
Sources say that while Harvard feels pressure to confront its domestic struggles head-on, the prospect of hanging out in Montreal and hitting some patios with McGill for a few weeks is “so exactly the vibe it needs right now”. The two respected schools have been “best buds” for decades, having much in common. McGill is often called “the Harvard of Canada”, while Harvard is widely known as “the Harvard of America.”
The couch-crashing plan has not gone unnoticed by Quebec Premiere Legault’s office, who moved quickly to insist on ground rules for the arrangement to avoid “things getting too Animal House”. Legault’s rules include keeping things tidy, not causing any noise complaints, and Harvard using some of its $50 billion endowment to chip in for Netflix and pizza.
The rules should come as no surprise, since too much attention on the deal could complicate frayed U.S./Canada relations. Officials worry that if Harvard and McGill were to team up for an epic college prank, like putting a stolen Cybertruck full of tacos on top of Olympic Stadium, that could spell trouble on a diplomatic level.
“We get it—Harvard is going through some shit right now,” said one unnamed school administrator, adding that McGill wants to help the only way it knows how: by offering a soft couch and legal weed. But officials agree that too much fun could result in a US aircraft carrier coming down the St. Laurence, which “nobody wants.”
Hence Legault’s number one rule for Harvard and McGill: “No parties with Concordia and UQAM.”
