TORONTO – A frustrated Maple Leafs fan threw their jersey onto the ice during a crushing 6-1 playoff defeat to the Florida Panthers, which the Leafs promptly allowed to slide past them and into their own net.
“And that’s another goal given up by Toronto,” the play-by-play announcer said, as the Leafs milled ineffectually around the jersey until it glided through goaltender Joseph Woll.
As the game continued, several other thrown jerseys also confounded the Maple Leafs. Mitch Marner passed a jersey straight up the ice without looking, allowing a Panthers player to easily snag it, put it on, and sneak into Toronto’s locker room during the second intermission.
“I was going to steal their gameplan, but it turned out they didn’t have one,” said Matthew Tkachuk. “So I just stole William Nylander’s wallet.”
At another point, captain Auston Matthews completely gave up on a jersey tossed into his own end, allowing it to stroll out front and bury itself in the net.
“Look, I’m not paid millions of dollars to play good defence at crucial moments,” said Matthews, who let his own jersey outmaneuver him in the slot. “I’m paid to take those millions and then vanish like D.B. Cooper whenever we need a burst of inspiration.”
Down 3-2 in the series, the Leafs still have an opportunity to storm back and reverse their fortunes, assuming the series moves to an alternate reality before Friday.
“It’s frustrating to see the disbelief from our fans,” said Matthew Knies. “We’re going to shock everyone when we grind out a gritty Game 6 victory, then come home and suffer an even more embarrassing loss.”
“Letting down all of Toronto while in Toronto just feels more right,” added Knies.
At press time, coach Craig Berube was reminding his veteran players that, with their season on the line, their net is the thing you want to keep stuff out of.
