WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontario Premier Doug Ford currently visiting White House officials, some analysts are concerned US President Donald Trump might try to corrupt the earnest.
“Up here in Queens Park, Premier Ford’s conduct is famously above reproach, but I hear rumours that Americans down there treat politics like some kind of business,” said Ontario Energy Minister Todd Smith. “Our sweet boy from sleepy little Etobicoke is used to putting people first, making decisions based on positive output, and being consistently transparent. Those Yankees might give him some bad ideas!”
Ford has allegedly tried to persuade his cabinet that he won’t let the president influence him but to no avail.
“They’re really smothering me here. They’re even making me take three extra goons before I get to talk to Trump.”
“Geez, you try to sell a little bit of the greenbelt, and suddenly they treat you like an MPP again!”
Interestingly enough, Members of Trump’s administration fear they may also be in danger of being unduly influenced during this meeting. U.S. Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick says he’s a little anxious about meeting with a politician of Ford’s character.
“I mean, this guy is easily the most politically savvy person anyone in the White House right now has ever dealt with,” Lutnick said, wiping his brow at the mere thought of standing the presence of a man with such a sterling reputation. “I mean, he’s one three elections consecutively? Without Russia? What kind of puppet master can pull that off?”
“I hope he’s open for a bribe, because he might end up talking me into selling him all of our energy contracts!”
Finance Minister Dominic LeBlanc, who is chaperoning Ford on this trip, has assured us that while they trust Ford completely, he intends to call Ottawa the minute the Americans start talking to him about privatization.
At press time Ford and LeBlanc have a “high level summit” scheduled between them and whatever billionaire paid for chocolate fountain at inauguration.
