SAN JUAN, PR – In the wake of Donald Trump unveiling plans to make Canada the 51st U.S. state, Puerto Ricans who have been trying to attain proper electoral representation expressed their frustration with Canada jumping the line and receiving statehood before them.
“Look, Canada is a lovely place, but you can’t just become a state willy nilly,” said Pedro Pierluisi, governor of Puerto Rico. “If we’ve had to deal with being a territory for 126 years and Canada becomes a member of the union like that, it will ruin the special thing we’ve had.”
While the journey to statehood differs from state to state, Puerto Ricans believe that Canada should go through a similar rite of passage in their journey to maybe becoming a U.S. state.
“If Canada was to follow the same trajectory of Puerto Rico, they would first need to be designated as a territory, where they have little to no political power or access to federal funding,” said Rex Jamison, U. S. constitutional expert. “Then after having to deal with one economic, political, and environmental crisis after another for over a century, if Canada still wants to become a state, Congress can be like ‘maybe.’”
This development has left Puerto Rico more confused than ever on what they need to do to be officially recognized as a state. “If you’re just into Canada because of their oil, water and lumber, I need to remind you that Canada has natural disasters of its own. And if you thought ignoring ours was easy, boy Canada will put you through the wringer.”
At press time Republicans had abandoned plans to annex Canada after they realized it would give 45 electoral college votes to the Democrats.
