OTTAWA – In response to the death of Brian Mulroney, Canada’s 18th Prime Minister, the government has announced the nation’s GST will be doubled for one week.
“The flags will go down, and the taxes will go up,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “It’s what the man who gave us GST would have wanted.”
Trudeau added, “Brian Mulroney rode a wave of fresh ideas to a massive electoral victory, stayed in power for so long that everyone ended up hating him, then quit at the last minute and let someone else deal with the fallout.”
“I can learn a lot from him.”
Trudeau then said the week’s worth of increased tax revenue would be used to build a statue honouring the utter shellacking Jean Chrétien gave the Progressive Conservatives in 1990.
Reactions to Mulroney’s death are pouring in across the country, with Canadians saying things like, “Which one was he again?” to “Oh right, the tax guy. That sucks, I guess.”
“I don’t like paying GST, but I like having roads and stuff, so it seems like it all worked out,” said Mark Cransdon, of Winnipeg. “What am I, an economist?”
Mulroney’s body will be transported from his Florida home to Ottawa for a state funeral via one of the Airbus planes he got a kickback for purchasing.
As funeral preparations get underway, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre also weighed in on Mulroney’s legacy.
“Like him or hate him, Brian Mulroney will be remembered for his principled stand against South African Apartheid,” Poilievre said. “What a woke cuck.”
At press time, Mulroney’s son, Ben Mulroney, was announcing plans to run for Prime Minister on a “Well, it worked for Justin” platform.
